Wednesday, April 29, 2015

It's A Cup Holder

The nearly seventy-year-old non-profit employee, Thelma Grant, stood in front of her cubicle. She folded her arms across her chest and searched up and down the corridor for someone to help her. Thelma enjoys her second career at the agency and plans to retire within the next few months to spend more time with her husband, children and grandkids.

Becoming slightly impatient, Thelma strolled up the corridor and found Janelle McQueen sitting in the CEO's office. Janelle was sitting across from her supervisor with feet apart, elbows on her lap and head hung low. It looked as though Janelle was sitting on the toilet. "He must be talking bull crap to her, again," Thelma thought.  She returned to her cubicle and found Dennis Johnson, the IT manager walking in her direction.

"Oh, Dennis! Can you help me?"
Dennis replied, "Sure. What do you need?"
"Well, my cup holder is broken?"
"Huh? How do you think I can fix a cup holder?" asked Dennis.
Smiling at the young man, Thelma replied, "I heard that you can fix anything. Step into my cube."
"Where's the cup holder?"
"It's right here, Dennis," Thelma replied, pointing to her cup holder.
"Huh?"
"See, it won't come out." Demonstrating her morning ritual with the computer, Thelma continued, "Every morning when I arrive, I push this little button on the hard drive. Then, the round tray with the hole comes out. This is where I place my hot coffee or iced drinks. I think it's just a great invention."
In a state of shock, Dennis offered, "Ummmm...Mrs. Grant...that's your disc drive."
"No, Dennis. It's a cup holder, and I need it fixed...right away."
"It's for a disc, not a cup, Mrs. Grant."
"No, it's a cup holder!" Thelma insisted.
Taking a deep breath and biting his bottom lip, Dennis acquiesced, "Okay, you're absolutely correct. Actually, this project is too big for my limited knowledge. So, I'm going to have a computer contractor come here and fix this for you. Hopefully, they will be here before lunch."
"Thanks, dear."
"You're going to feel like an idiot when they confirm it's a disc drive," Dennis thought. He stepped outside of Thelma's cubicle and yelled toward Samuel Harlow's office, "Janelle McQueen! Hurry up! I need lunch and a drink....right now! I know it's only 10:30 in the morning!"

Until next time, keep praising HIS name,
Sir Charles

***This blog has reached 50,000 page views! Thank you!***

Soft cover and ebooks of my novels
"In The Black," "Behind Every Dark Cloud – Second Edition" and "Preacher Man"
are available at www.xlibris.com Charles Carroll Lee    
“I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at www.thesavannahjpublications.com/” ~ Savannah J

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Did You Type, PASSWORD....?

"Dennis Johnson!" Samuel Harlow, the CEO of a small non-profit agency, shouted into the telephone
receiver. He had an emergency with his computer and wanted it corrected, immediately.
In a calm and rational tone, Dennis replied, "Yes, Mr. Harlow. How may I help you?"
"I've been away from the office for a few days and forgot my password. I need you to help me... right now. I have a major presentation this afternoon," Mr. Harlow replied in frustration.
"Dumb ass!" Dennis thought. The IT manager turned toward his keyboard and clicked a few keys until he reached Samuel Harlow's account. Dennis continued, "I'm changing your password, right now."
Breathing a sigh of relief, Mr. Harlow stated, "Thank you."
After a few more clicks of the keyboard, Dennis stated, "Your new password is 'PASSWORD' in all caps. You can change it later."
"Thanks," Mr. Harlow stated as he immediately terminated the call.

Minutes later, Dennis' phone rung once again. "The password you gave me isn't working, Dennis! What the hell are we paying you for?!?"
Collecting his thoughts and taking a few deep breaths, Dennis replied, "Did you type, 'PASSWORD' in all caps?"
"Yes, I did! Come down here and fix this, now!"

Dennis marched toward the CEO's office. He entered the sparsely decorated room without speaking to the secretary or greeting Mr. Harlow. Dennis' blood was boiling and smoke was escaping from his ears.
"What are you typing?" Dennis asked while Mr. Harlow retyped the new password.
"I'm typing, 'PASSWORD IN ALL CAPS,' just like you told me!"
"You dumb ass muther fucker!" Dennis shouted within his mind. Exhaling, Dennis reached for a sticky note and a pen on Mr. Harlow's cluttered desk and wrote in capital letters, 'PASSWORD.'" Showing Mr. Harlow the sticky note, Dennis requested, "I need for you to type this word exactly as you see it." "You jackass," he wanted to say aloud.
Mr. Harlow followed his employee instructions and was instantly surprised that he was now logged onto his personal computer. "Thanks, Dennis."
Dennis thought, "Kiss my ass." Instead, he replied, "You're welcome," and quickly exited the CEO's office to finish updating his resume and job application.


Until next time, keep praising HIS name,
Sir Charles

***This blog has reached 50,000 page views! Thank you!***

Soft cover and ebooks of my novels
"In The Black," "Behind Every Dark Cloud – Second Edition" and "Preacher Man"
are available at www.xlibris.com Charles Carroll Lee    
“I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at www.thesavannahjpublications.com/” ~ Savannah J

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Some More Misprints in Church Bulletins

Since 2012, my earlier blog posting, "Misprints in Church Bulletins," has received 6,312 views. It's by far my most read posting. So, I have decided to share "Some More Misprints in Church Bulletins."

Sir Charles
__________________________________________________________________________________

1.  Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come  hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

2. The Rev. Meredith spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

3. On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness: GOD IS GOOD; Dr. Hargreaves is better.

4. Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.

5. Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.

6. The Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. Please, use the back door.

7. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

8. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

9. The 2015 Spring Council Retreat will be hell on May 10th  and 11th.

10. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

11. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Source:  http://pastors.com/44-funny-church-bulletin-bloopers-to-make-you-smile/

Until next time, keep praising HIS name,
Sir Charles


Soft cover and ebooks of my novels
"In The Black," "Behind Every Dark Cloud – Second Edition" and "Preacher Man"
are available at www.xlibris.com Charles Carroll Lee    
 
“I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at www.thesavannahjpublications.com/” ~ Savannah J