Sunday, February 22, 2015

I Swallowed Him!

Ava Balthrop stood on the grassy shore among Isaac Chambers' grieving relatives and friends. The brisk wind rushed across her shoulder length hair and black dress. In the midst of her wailing, the warm March breeze felt good on Ava's skin. Isaac Chambers had died on top of Ava during an afternoon of passion. Ava always knew that Isaac's retirement check was deposited into his account on the third of each month. So, she made sure that Isaac was a happy man and received a monetary incentive for her "visits." And Isaac paid her very well for her "services."

Isaac's daughter, Carla, glared at Ava during the shore side memorial service. "How dare she show her face here and cry like she's the grieving widow," Carla mumbled. She continued, "I wish she would shut the hell up. All that crying is making my head hurt." Ava sobbed even more loudly as the preacher led the mourners in prayer.

The deceased last request was to have his ashes tossed into the river because he had spent so much time there having picnics with his former wife, children and friends. After the minister had delivered the benediction, Carla moved closer to the shore and removed the urn's lid. Her twin brother, Carlos, stood next to her with Ava moving to the other side of Carla.

As the ashes were released from its container, another gust of wind rushed across the beach as Ava released another hard cry. The hard breeze suddenly changed its direction and carried most of Isaac's remains directly into Ava's open and sobbing mouth. She could feel all of Isaac flying down her throat. She began to cough profusely.

"Damn it! I swallowed him! I can feel some bone in my throat!" Ava exclaimed. She continued to cough as Carlos and a few of the mourners laughed, hysterically. Carla was in a state of shock as the remainder of her father's ashes flew into the river.

"What am I suppose to do?!?" Ava coughed toward Carla. "He went into my mouth!"
Narrowing her eyes at Ava, Carla stated, "I'm sure my father was always in your mouth. So, this shouldn't be anything new to you. Now, you can rest assure that he will ALWAYS be with you...since he didn't leave you anything in his will."
Ava coughed, "You evil bitch!"
"Likewise."

Until next week, keep praising HIS name,
Sir Charles


Soft cover and ebooks of my novels
"In The Black," "Behind Every Dark Cloud – Second Edition" and "Preacher Man"
are available at www.xlibris.com Charles Carroll Lee    
 
“I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at www.thesavannahjpublications.com/” ~ Savannah J


Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Child Birth at Sixty-Five

Hello,

Just like the television shows, it's the season premiere of the "Smile Network with Sir Charles." The following is a reprint of an email that I received a few weeks ago. I hope you enjoy it.

Sir Charles 
____________________________________


With all the new technology regarding fertility, a sixty-five-year-old friend of mine, Janet, was recently able to give birth. I went to visit when she and the bundle of joy were discharged from the hospital.
"May I see the new baby?" I asked, entering her spacious and tastefully decorated home.
"Not yet." Janet continued, "I'll make us some coffee, and we can visit for a while." She ushered me into the well-lit yellow and exposed brick kitchen. 
After thirty-minutes of coffee and talking had passed, I asked, "May I see the new baby, now?"
"No, not yet," Janet replied, sipping her coffee and changing the subject.
Now, several minutes had elapsed with more coffee and conversation. I asked again, "May I see the baby, now?"
Once more my friend replied, "No, not yet."
Growing very impatient, I asked, "Why not? When can I see the baby?"
"WHEN HE CRIES!" Janet exclaimed.
"When he cries?" I repeated in a state of confusion. "Why do I have to wait until he cries?"
"Because, I forget where I put him...Okay?!?"

Until next week, keep praising HIS name,
Sir Charles


Soft cover and ebooks of my novels
"In The Black," "Behind Every Dark Cloud – Second Edition" and "Preacher Man"
are available at www.xlibris.com Charles Carroll Lee    
 
“I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at www.thesavannahjpublications.com/” ~ Savannah J