Wednesday, July 9, 2014

More Misprints in Church Bulletins

With over 4,900 pageviews to "Misprints in Church Bulletins," I have decided to publish more "Misprints in Church Bulletins." I hope you enjoy them.

 1. Announcement in the church bulletin for a National Fasting and Prayer Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals."

 2. Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

 3. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

 4. Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

 5. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

 6. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon for tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

 7. Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

 8. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

 9. Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

 10. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

 11. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

 12. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

 13. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

 14. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow.

 15. This evening at 7 p.m., there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

 16. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

 17. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

 18. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

 Reprinted from: http://www.oocities.org/mariostudies/FUNNYMISPRINTS.htm and www.klenger.net

 Until next time, keep praising HIS name!
 Sir Charles

 Soft cover and ebooks of my novels In The Black, Behind Every Dark Cloud – Second Edition and Preacher Man are available at www.iuniverse.com 
 Charles Carroll Lee 

" I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com"~ Savannah J., Author

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Your Hair Is On Fire



"Come on in," Lacey Jones greeted as she opened the door to her newly built house. Her two-story home was one of the last constructions in the brand new subdivision. "I'm glad you could come and see my new house," Lacey added.
"Me too," I stated, giving my friend a quick hug. Noticing her curly hairdo and entering the house that still smelled like fresh lumber, I added, "Your home is really, really nice."
Closing the front door behind us, Lacey said, "Thank you! Let me give you the grand tour of the house."
"Okay, I said as I followed her to the living room, patio deck, eat-in kitchen, baths, bedroom suite and finally back to the family room with brief, upbeat and complimentary conversations in each room.
After Lacey offered me a seat on the leather sofa, she asked, "Would you like a drink?"
"Is the Pope Catholic?" was my response.
Releasing a hearty laugh, Lacey stated, "I will take that as a "Yes."

When she returned with two glasses of brandy, Lacey suddenly remembered something. She gave me one and sat the other on the glass coffee table.

"Oh Charles! I forgot to show you my gas fireplace. This is a state-of-the art fireplace," as she opened the fireplace doors. Lacey stuck her curly head inside of the fireplace and turned on a button. She waited a few moments and returned her head to the open living room. "Isn't this beautiful?" Lacey asked toward the roaring flame.
"Yes it is," I replied and noticing puffs of smoke.
"I do have something to tell you."
"What?" 
I replied, "Your hair is on fire," sipping my brandy on the leather sofa.
Patting her curly hair, "What? Not again! Every time I stick my head in that darn fireplace my hair starts to smoke. It must be the curl activator I'm using."
"Really?"
"Yes. Last week, I went outdoors in that cold air and my hair started smoking again. The dog from next door started barking at me. I didn't know what was going on until I got in my car and looked at myself in the rearview mirror. My jaw dropped to my chest."

Until next week, keep praising HIS name!
Sir Charles

Soft cover and ebooks of my novels In The Black, Behind Every Dark Cloud – Second Edition and Preacher Man are available at www.iuniverse.com
Charles Carroll Lee

"I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com" ~ Savannah J., Author