Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Where Are My Teeth?

(Please welcome guest blogger, Deborah Irene Davis.)

Several months ago, I was fitted for a pair of dentures or false teeth as my grandmother used to call them. The dentist told me that I would have to get used to and learn to eat with them in my mouth. However, that is too uncomfortable for me. When it is time for me to eat, I will slip my dentures out of my mouth and slide them into my pocket or handbag. Naturally, I forget to put them back in. Also, I have lost them on quite a few occasions. Usually, my dentures are in another handbag or in the bathroom...or even at work. It's a relief that the night cleaning staff hasn't thrown my teeth in the trash.

A few days ago, there was a news report about a man taking his girlfriend's dentures right out of her mouth. The man's opinion was that since they had broken up, and he had paid for them - he wanted them back. He claims that he only wanted to improve her smile and self-esteem. The girlfriend claims that he became too clingy after he had purchased the dentures. Well, that story was the main reason I saved and bought my own dentures. I can't imagine my boyfriend snatching my dentures right out of my head - especially after an argument.

After coming home on yesterday afternoon, I realized that I did not have my dentures with me. I took them out to eat lunch and did not put them back in. I searched my pockets, handbag and brief case - all to no avail. "Where are my teeth?" I shouted within my rancher home. Moments later my best friend called from her cell phone.
Slightly agitated, I said, "Hey!" into the phone.
Dian asked, "So, what are you doing?"
"Trying to find my damn teeth."
"Why? It's not like you keep them in your head."
Becoming more annoyed, I replied, "I know, but I don't want to keep losing them."
"Come outdoors," Dian commanded. She is always commanding me to do something.
"Why? I told you I'm busy looking for my teeth."
"Just come outdoors," Dian repeated.

Meeting Dian outdoors as she stood on my lawn, I wondered why she could not come indoors. I immediately noticed that Dian had a devious smile on her face.
I asked, "What is it?"
"So, you said that you can't find your teeth, huh?"
"Yes, that's right," I replied.
"Look down," Dian commanded once again.
"Oh, my goodness gracious alive! My teeth! My teeth! I've found them!" I shouted in the late afternoon breeze.
Dian continued, "Yes, I came by for a short visit and noticed that your lawn was smiling at me as I walked toward your front door."
Bending over to retrieve my dentures, I stated, "Thank you very much."
"No need to thank me. You may want to soak them in some Polident or something. A dog licked and peed on them as I was driving up," Dian stated.
"I have a warranty on them for accidents," I added.

Thanks Sir Charles for this opportunity.
All my best,
Deborah Irene Davis
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