Thursday, November 14, 2013

A Ton Of Green Bubbles

(Let's welcome again guest blogger, Betty Ann. Read previous post - "It's Chef Betty Ann.")

I had a birthday a few weeks ago and wanted my boyfriend, Josh, to buy me a really nice gift. I
figured that if I cooked a really delicious meal that Josh would buy me that new coat from Macy's Department Store. Trying my luck at cooking (yet again), I planned a menu which consisted of macaroni and cheese, collard greens, baked chicken and hot rolls. Sir Charles shared his macaroni and cheese recipe. However, I thought that it had too many eggs - six to be exact and too much milk. Sir Charles uses almost two quarts of whole milk in his recipe. With that in mind, I decided to use a half-cup of low-fat milk and two eggs. So, my macaroni and cheese was done. My brother, Robert, a chef at a local restaurant instructed me to buy a chicken that was already cooked and seasoned - which I did (he doesn't trust my cooking). Then, Robert gave me some instructions on how to cook collard greens.

Following his instructions to the letter, I began by cleaning the green vegetables in my stainless steel sink. Wearing long rubber gloves, I spun the greens around in the sink until they were squeaky clean. Then, I placed the greens into a waiting pot so that they could be cooked to perfection. Minutes later, I heated the rolls in the oven. After a quick shower, I fluffed up my hair and donned my best outfit. Sashaying into the kitchen, I screamed at the sight before me. Horrified, I phoned Robert.

"What did you do to them?" asked Robert.
I replied in a panic, "I cleaned and seasoned them just like you told me to! Should I call the fire department?!?"
"Just turn the stove off. You don't need the fire department. What did you clean them with?"
"Almost a half of a bottle of dish detergent! I poured the detergent into the sink with hot water, swished it around, drained the sink and placed them into the pot. I needed to make sure that they were clean! You didn't tell me what to clean the collard greens with, Robert!" I was so frightened by what was taking place on my stove.
"Dish detergent?!? What in the world?!? What's happening?!?"
Screaming, I replied, "I got a ton of dark green bubbles oozing out of my good pot, Robert. All over my floor, stove and counter top! It's all your fault!"
Robert exclaimed, "You were supposed to clean them with running water - not with dish detergent! At least you got the macaroni and cheese and rolls to feed Josh with," as he broke into a hard and deep laughter.
"You make me sick! Good-bye!" I shouted in return.

Anyway, the macaroni and cheese came out dry and hard (not enough milk and eggs), and the rolls were burned to a crispy crunch (I was too busy screaming at the bubbles). Just so you will know, I went out and bought dinner before Josh arrived. I acted like I had prepared the entire meal myself. And I even got my new coat! After dinner, it was a chore keeping Josh out of the kitchen because he wanted to wash the dishes. Of course I did not have a chance to clean up the green bubbles - with all the other stuff I had to do (change clothes because I smelled like collard greens, buying dinner, fussing at Robert, again, etc...).

Thanks for reading and thanks to Sir Charles for another opportunity. I hope you have enjoyed it. Later, I may share my experiences as "Miss Senior Class" in high school. I have to get my thoughts together, first.

With love,
Betty Ann

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In The Black   ~    Preacher Man    ~    Behind Every Dark Cloud , The Second Edition
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