Thursday, July 25, 2013

It's Chef Betty Ann

Special Guest Blogger - Chef Betty Ann

Let me start by saying that I am so excited that Sir Charles has asked me to be his guest blogger. This is my very first blog posting. Now, I'm not really a chef like the blog title states. Actually, I can't cook worth a damn. Unfortunately, I had told Charles about some of my experiences in the kitchen, and he thought that they were worth sharing- I hope.

I am in my late forties and have very little experience in the kitchen - none actually. My brother, Robert, is an extremely good cook. Robert has worked at various upscale restaurants throughout the United States. Against his better judgement, Robert tried to teach me to cook on a few occasions. However, those lessons were an epic fail. My first cooking lesson was vegetable soup. "You can't go wrong with that. You can put most anything in the soup," Robert had stated on the phone while I prepared my ingredients. Taking my brother at his word, I dumped a lot of vegetables in a large pot along with some water and seasonings and brought it to a hard boil. Looking into the pot, I realized that the soup was clear and thin. So, I added some ketchup, lard, bacon grease, and mayonnaise to the pot to make it thick and red and flavorful.

A few hours later, Robert called to check on my progress. I had told him that I was still cooking the soup and had added ketchup, bacon grease, mayonnaise and lard to the pot.
Robert shouted into the phone, "What?!" You added ketchup, lard, bacon grease and mayonnaise to the soup?!"
"Yes, you said to add anything I wanted to it. And I want my soup to be red in color," I replied.
"I meant vegetables - not lard and mayonnaise! You could've used tomatoes or vegetable juice to turn your soup red! Don't you put nothing else in that pot!" Robert shouted.
"Well, you didn't tell me that!" I shouted in returned and quickly terminated the call.

After some weeks had passed, I had a craving for pigs feet. Once again, I called my brother for his expert opinion on cooking my favorite dish. Robert gave me some cooking instructions and promised to stop by my house after work to check on my progress. Well, I had placed the pigs feet in a pressure cooker along with some water and seasonings. The soul food delicacy had been cooking for some time when Robert had finally arrived. He sat at my kitchen table and stared at the stove.

Feeling like this would be my greatest cooking accomplishment, I removed the lid from the pressure cooker. In order to find out if the pigs feet were tender, I stuck one of them with a fork. And to my surprise, the pig's foot popped out of the pressure cooker and across Robert's face until it landed on the floor.  I'm not sure why that happened. But Robert stated, "I guess it was trying to run away from you."

Thank you, Sir Charles for this blogging opportunity! I hope to do this again real soon!

With love,
Betty Ann

When I read your stories, it is truly like a box of cherries, I NEVER know WHAT I'm gonna get." ~ a regular blog reader


In The Black

Preacher Man

and

Behind Every Dark Cloud - The Critically Acclaimed Novel - The Second Edition

Available at www.xlibris.com www.amazon.com www.barnesandnoble.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Lift Up Your Long Dress

In the shopping mall's parking lot, Clarissa De Lavallade released her three pre-school age daughters and six-year old son from her mini-van. Clarence Rudolph De Lavallade, II, her husband, was working on an important contract at the nearby military base. He was scheduled to work a full twelve hours - much to Clarissa's dismay. Earlier in the day, Clarissa took her darling children for their regular pediatric checkup. After the female pediatrician had examined one child, she thought of a question for Clarissa.

"What do you and your husband do in your free time?" she asked as she examined the next child.
Clarissa replied, "Feed these children and visit the pediatrician."
The middle-aged doctor gave Clarissa a faint smile and moved to the next child.

The De Lavallade's strolled into the main entrance of the extravagant mall with Clarissa dressed in a printed maxi dress and flat shoes. All four of her children were excited to visit the air-conditioned mall and shouted which store they wanted to visit. As usual, the young
De Lavallade's ran toward the escalator. Riding the moving stairs were the best part of their trip to the mall.

Stepping onto the escalator, Clarissa ordered her children to hold hands as she stood directly behind them. Seconds later, Clarissa felt a tugging on her long dress. The tugging sensation felt as though the dress would free itself from her body. Looking downward, Clarissa realized that her maxi dress was snugly engaged in the escalator.

Immediately, the escalator's emergency alarm sounded as dozens of shoppers turned toward Clarissa De Lavallade. Her dress inched its way off of her body as she feverishly tried to free herself from the entanglement. Eight inches of fabric became engaged in the escalator as her children giggled at the sight behind them. Fortunately, the maintenance man arrived in a nick of time and released the wife and mother of four from her embarrassing bondage.  A few minutes later, the mall manager arrived and insisted that Clarissa visit the alterations department to remove the oil stain. Clarissa declined the offer and was more than relieved that she was not "dress-less" in front of her precious angels and the entire mall.

A few hours later and on their way home, Clarissa's son, Clarence Rudolph, better known as C.R. stated, "Mom, the sign on the escalator said to keep loose objects away from the escalator. Next time, lift up your long dress."
"Yes, dear," was Clarissa's reply as her daughters giggled from the back seat.

Until next week, keep praising HIS name!
Sir Charles

When I read your stories, it is truly like a box of cherries, I NEVER know WHAT I'm gonna get." ~ a regular blog reader


In The Black

Preacher Man

and

Behind Every Dark Cloud - The Critically Acclaimed Novel - The Second Edition

Available at www.xlibris.com www.amazon.com www.barnesandnoble.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.