Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I'm Fat!

(Read: They Don't Accept Food Stamps)

"Why didn't you tell me that I'm fat?" Florena asked during our telephone conversation.
"Huh?" I replied.
"I didn't stutter," Florena stated.
"Well, the last time I mentioned something about your weight, you darn near chopped my head off. So, I promised myself that we would never have that conversation, again - for a long as we live. Why are you bringing up your weight, now?"
Digesting my last statement, Florena replied, "I was sitting on the toilet in my hotel room the other night. My job put me up in one because I didn't want to drive fifty miles back home. Anyway, while sitting on the toilet, there was a wall sized mirror in front of me right above the sink. And I took a long look at myself. I shouted, 'Oh, my God! I'm fat! I'm huge! I'm obese! Where am I?! Where did I go?!  I just had no idea that I'm this huge! Again, you should've said something, Charles C.!" Florena shouted all at once into the receiver.
"You weren't going to hurt my feelings, again," I stated as a matter of fact. "However, I'm glad that you had this awakening and..."
"That's not all," Florena interrupted.
Holding my breath, I asked, "What is it?"
"I was telling Mona that I'm thinking about getting a Volkswagen Beetle because it's good on gas as opposed to the car I have now."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Well, I was thinking about it until she told me not to get one."
"Why?"
"Mona said that I was way too fat to fit into a Volkswagen Beetle. I couldn't believe she said that," Florena stated.

I released a hard and silent laugh at my dear friend's statement. She waited until I had regained my composure. "Are you finished laughing?" Florena finally asked.  "Anyway, I asked her why would she say something like that."
With a broad smile, I asked, "And what did she say?"
"Mona, said that being as fat as I am and trying to squeeze into a Beetle would be a disaster. She also said that I would squirm into that small car, drive down the street and then when I try to turn the corner - the Volkswagen Beetle will tip over onto the street!"

My laughter became loud and intense at my vision of Florena's Volkswagen Beetle resting on its side at the nearest corner - tires still rotating. Florena interrupted my laughter and added, "I'm going to take charge right now! No more fat Florena! You and Mona should've said something about my weight a long time ago. And I hope I won't see this on one of your blog postings - Charles C."

Until next week, keep praising HIS name!
Sir Charles

"Your posts are like a Saturday Night Live skit!" ~ A regular blog reader


Behind Every Dark Cloud - The Critically Acclaimed Novel - The Second Edition is now available at www.xlibris.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.

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