Wednesday, January 30, 2013

We Are Taking A Nap

The IT manager, Dennis Johnson, was experiencing a long and productive day at the non-profit agency. He and Janelle McQueen had enjoyed a nice, healthy salad for lunch. And now, Dennis had decided to answer some of his voice mail messages. His first message was from Marian Studebaker - a co-worker that is housed in another building. Marian's message stated that she needed some help setting up a "polygram" for tomorrow afternoon.

"Polygram?" Dennis mumbled as he dialed Marian's number. She did not answer.
"Where is she?" Dennis asked aloud as he searched for his office telephone directory. With his telephone console set to speaker, Dennis dialed every number in Marian's small office building from his telephone directory until he finally got an answer.
"Hello, this is Kim Vaughan. How may I help you?"
Relieved, Dennis asked, "Hey, Kim. This is Dennis. Where is everybody? I've dialed eight numbers before someone answered. Is everything alright over there?"
"We are taking a nap," Kim stated as a matter of fact.
Leaning toward the telephone console, Dennis asked, "What? Taking a nap? What kind of crap is that?" in a loud tone. He was unaware that Janelle and several other co-workers were listening to the conversation near his office door. "Did I hear you right?"
"Yes, you did. We are taking a nap. We are stressed. It's three o'clock, and it's our lunch time."
Flustered, Dennis added, "Kim, you could've said that everyone was in a meeting or something else - besides taking a nap." His co-workers laughed silently, but hysterically near his door.
"Well, that wouldn't have been true. How may I help you?"
Collecting his thoughts, Dennis replied, "May I speak to Marian Studebaker, please? Is she awake, yet?"
Kim replied, "Let me check for you." After several seconds had passed, she returned to her conversation with Dennis and announced, "Yes, she is awake. Please hold."

"This is Marian Studebaker."
"Marian, this is Dennis returning your call about a 'polygram'?"
Yawning, Marian said, "Yes, yes. I need help with a polygram."
Feigning ignorance, Dennis asked, "What's a polygram?"
"You know how you can look at a seminar on the television monitor..."
"That's called a polycom."
"Yes, yes. That's correct. I was stressed and getting ready for my nap when I left that message."
"You know what? I just can't friggin' believe this!" Dennis announced.

Until next week...keep praising His name!
Sir Charles

"Your posts are like a Saturday Night Live skit!" ~ A regular blog reader


Behind Every Dark Cloud - The Critically Acclaimed Novel - The Second Edition is now available at www.xlibris.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Not If I Kill You, First

Show Me the Money: The Economic Realities of SpamAfter a long day at work, Roger Brewer had entered his spacious home. His wife, Samantha, had arrived an hour earlier and was waiting for him with tonight's dinner. Roger sat on the sofa, placed a large bag on the coffee table and removed his shoes. He waited for Samantha to join him.

"You know - I'll be sixty-one years old in a few weeks," Roger announced. He leaned back on the sofa.
Finally, taking a seat next to her husband, Samantha replied, "Yes, I know."
"My car will be all paid for -  and then I can die," Roger said.
"Not if I kill you, first," Samantha thought. She then added, "Why would you say something like that? Are you not feeling well?"
"I feel okay."
Samantha stated, "You should be feeling good with all that Viagra you've been taking. Standing at attention all of the time."
"I'm not taking it like I used to. I sell the seven pills I get from the pharmacy to my friends for fifteen dollars."
"Okay. So, fifteen dollars per pill times seven pills equals one-hundred and five dollars. That doesn't make you happy?"
"Whatever."
"Well, let's go on a cruise. That should lift your spirits," offered Samantha as she sniffed the contents from the bag that Roger had brought home. She decided to look for her change on the coffee table.
"No. I get seasick and dizzy, and I might fall overboard," replied Roger.
"Not if I push you overboard, first," Samantha thought. "Where is my change?" Samantha finally asked. "I loaned you forty-dollars for dinner this morning."
Smiling at his lovely wife, Roger said, "I love you."
"Love? You got some of my money in your pocket and now you're in love?" asked Samantha.
Leaning to kiss his wife, Roger replied, "Yes, I love you."
"Where is my change? No romance without finance," Samantha stated as a matter-of-fact.

Until next week...keep praising His name!
Sir Charles

"Your posts are like a Saturday Night Live skit!" ~ A regular blog reader


Behind Every Dark Cloud - The Critically Acclaimed Novel - The Second Edition is now available at www.xlibris.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

"So, How Long Have You Been In The Closet?"

The ringing of the office phone startled Janelle McQueen as she worked to finish her monthly report. Janelle leaned into the multi-line console on her well-kept desk and studied the caller ID for a few quick moments. "It's not my husband, Dylan's number or my son, Michael's cell number. But, the number does seem familiar," she mumbled. After another ring, Janelle answered the phone.

"Hello, this is Janelle McQueen. How may I help you?"
"Hey, Janelle. It's me - Dennis."
"Oh hey, Dennis! I thought I recognized your number. What's up?" she asked in an upbeat tone.
Dennis asked, "Are you busy?"
"I'm just finishing up a report, but I'm free, now. What do you need?" Janelle asked.
"I'm in the closet, and I really want to come out."
"Really?"
"Yes, really," Dennis Johnson repeated.
"Well, Dennis - thank you for sharing that with me. I just want you to know that we all love you for who you are and not what you are. I don't care if you're gay. It takes a lot of courage and bravery to come out of the closet and admit that..."
"Janelle...."
Ignoring Dennis' interruption, Janelle continued, "Everyone is coming out these days. So, you shouldn't feel ashamed. I'm just thankful that you trust me enough to share this information. I will always be your friend, and..."
Trying to interrupt Janelle's long and drawn out speech, Dennis again stated, "Janelle..."
"So, just how long have you been in the closet? Is this something new that you discovered?" asked Janelle. She was now ready to have Dennis say a few words on his behalf.
"I've been in the closet for fifteen minutes," Dennis announced.
"Huh?"
"I'm not gay, Janelle. I'm locked in the closet next to your office. I was trying to make room for some new computer equipment and forgot to prop the door open. Go to my office and get the key off of my desk and let me out of here," Dennis commanded.
Bursting into a deep, guttural laugh that could be heard throughout the small office building, Janelle finally said, "Okay!" She laughed some more.

Minutes later, Janelle unlocked the door and released Dennis from the closet. She was unaware that Samuel Harlow, the much despised CEO, was standing behind her the entire time.  Dennis was now standing face-to-face with Janelle and Samuel.

With a devilish grin, Samuel announced, "Well, well, well, Dennis. I see you finally came out of the closet. I thought it was about time. Good for you, fellow!"
"I can't stand you," Dennis thought while Janelle tried to contain her laughter.

Until next week...keep praising His name!
Sir Charles

"Reading your blogs are really like a box of cherries...you NEVER know what you're gonna get." ~ a regular blog reader

Behind Every Dark Cloud - The Critically Acclaimed Novel - The Second Edition is now available at www.xlibris.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.




Wednesday, January 9, 2013

A Little Inspiration and Something Crazy

During the past month, I have shared the following quotes with my Facebook friends. Thinking about a blog posting for this week, I have decided to stray from the norm and share with you some popular statements that I wish I could take credit for. They should help you for the rest of this year. I hope that you will find this posting inspirational and a little humorous. I have even added a crazy news article that will make you go, "What?"

When you give up on someone, it's not because you don't care, it's because you realize they don't.


Smile and let EVERYONE know that today, you are stronger than  you were on yesterday.



If you listen closely, you can hear Monday sharpening its claws.



Be happy in front of people who don't like you. It kills them.



Never chase love, attention or affection. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having.

More crazy news and lesson for the day. Who knew that dreads could be used as a weapon?

Source: Kim Garst; Drake - Rap Artist

Until next week...keep praising His name!
Sir Charles

"Reading your blogs are really like a box of cherries...you NEVER know what you're gonna get." ~ a regular blog reader

Behind Every Dark Cloud - The Critically Acclaimed Novel - The Second Edition is now available at www.xlibris.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.