Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I Want My Order On Time

(Read: Michael! and It Says Francais (Not English)

Browsing through a fundraising catalog for Christmas wrapping paper and other holiday treats and trinkets, Janelle McQueen had checked off a few items that piqued her interest. Earlier in the day, Dolores Banks had dropped the catalog by Janelle's office and mentioned that the proceeds will be used to raise money for her daughter's private school. Janelle had already finished shopping for her husband, Dylan and their son Michael. However, she wanted to purchase a few more small gifts for family members, neighbors and co-workers. "Well, I can't buy everything in this catalog, because I'm trying to save some money. I work for a non-profit organization. But, everything looks so nice," Janelle mumbled to herself.  After a few moments, Janelle formed her lovely face into a smile as she remembered a previous encounter with Dolores.

Later that afternoon, Janelle sat in her office chatting with Dennis Johnson, the information technology manager. They were discussing Sam Harlow - the CEO. With the speed of light, Dolores rushed into the tastefully decorated office. She had a few questions.

"Excuse me for interrupting, but have you made your selection or should I say selections?" asked Dolores.
"Well, I most certainly did," replied Janelle.
"What are you getting?" Dolores asked with glee. She continued, "Dennis, would you like to order some things for my daughter's fundraiser?"
Interrupting their conversation and pointing to her selected items, Janelle replied, "Let me have five rolls of the Santa Claus wrapping paper and ten rolls of the reindeer wrapping paper. I want four cans of the salted peanuts for some of my husband's poker buddies. Dylan loves them, too. I want two large cans of the butter cookies for my-laws. I want eight vanilla scented candles. Add to my order seven boxes of candy for my neighbors. I think that will be all. Oh, get me this collector's item racing car for my son, Michael."
"Oh! Wow! Let me add this up!" Dolores announced while Dennis looked completely dumbfounded by Janelle's large order. Dolores continued, "Your order comes to three-hundred and fifty dollars and thirty-two cents. How would you like to pay for this?"
"Okay, that's fine. Now, use that money that you borrowed from me this past March to pay for my order," Janelle offered.
"Did I stutter? You owe me three-hundred and fifty bucks because the city had towed and impounded your car on that rainy March afternoon. And I want my order on time, too. I have to wrap all that stuff I just ordered," replied Janelle as Dennis laughed silently, but hysterically in his seat.
"Oh, okay," Dolores mumbled.
"Thank you."
"Yeah, whatever," she solemnly replied. Dolores eased out of Janelle McQueen's office with Dennis still laughing uncontrollably.

Until next week...keep praising His name!
Sir Charles

"Reading your blogs are really like a box of NEVER know what you're gonna get." ~ a regular blog reader

Behind Every Dark Cloud - The Critically Acclaimed Novel - The Second Edition is now available at - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook. Just in time for the holidays!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thanksgiving is on Tuesday (and a recipe)

One November afternoon, my "bubble-headed" friend had a question to ask me. Sometimes, I think Dax is a few sandwiches short of a picnic and/or his elevator doesn't reach the top floor. However, he thinks it's an admirable quality. Dax usually gets mad when I refer to him as a "blond." Who wants to be known as an airhead?

Anyway, sitting in Starbucks enjoying a cup of java, Dax excitedly gave me a run down of his Thanksgiving holiday plans. I managed to act interested in his plans of travel, drinking, sex and more sex for the holidays.

After ten minutes of listening to his holiday agenda, Dax finally asked, "So, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?"
I replied, "Whatever it is - it certainly won't be as exciting and as sex-filled as yours."
"Don't be funny."
"I'm not being funny. I'm just saying," I offered.
"You really need to get out more and not be so boring, Charles."
"Perhaps, you're right, Dax."
Pausing for a few moments and narrowing his eyebrows, Dax asked, "Wait a minute. What day is Thanksgiving on?"
"Tuesday. Thanksgiving is on Tuesday," I replied with a straight face. (I couldn't help myself. I know it was wrong.)
As though a light bulb had illuminated a room, Dax announced, "Yeah! That's right - it's on Tuesday!" He paused for another moment and asked, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," I replied with great conviction.
"Okay. I believe you," Dax said.
I thought, "Mission Accomplished!" for calling me boring.

This was one of Daddy's favorite recipes for Cornbread Stuffing:

1 package of cornbread stuffing mix
2 onions
4 celery stalks
1/2 cup chopped parsley
1/4 cup butter
1/2 cup chicken broth
2 teaspoons dried sage, crumbled
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 cup of uncooked popcorn

Mix above ingredients and place inside the turkey's cavity. Cook until the popcorn blows the turkey's ass across the room.

Until next week...keep praising His name!
Sir Charles

"Reading your blogs are really like a box of cherries . . . you NEVER know what you’re gonna get!"  ~ A regular blog reader

Behind Every Dark Cloud - The Critically Acclaimed Novel - The Second Edition is now available at - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook. Just in time for the holidays!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Stuffing and Licking

Jake Montgomery studied Davina Johnson who was positioned immediately next to him. Jake thought that she was a great looking woman. He wanted to do something different during their encounter and hoped that Davina would happily obliged. Jake knew that he had to do a lot of convincing to get the newly single woman to go along with his request.

"C'mon and lick it," Jake said toward Davina. He gauged her expression.
"I don't do that," Davina replied.
Jake offered, "If you lick it, I will stuff it. Is that a deal?"
"No, because I don't lick, and I never have. It would be much better if you would do the licking," said Davina.
After a few moments, Jake replied, "I'm much better at stuffing than licking. Besides, I've never experience you licking before."
"All of that licking will make my tongue feel tired, Jake. Sometimes, it's just gross. Can't we bring in a third person?"
"No one wants to join us. Just drink some water in between licks. I really need for you to lick it. Please?"
Davina replied, "No. And you're not that great at stuffing it. You have missed the opening on quite a few occasions."
"I know. I got excited and carried away the last time. I wanted to hurry up. But, I got it all in," Jake replied with his best smile.
"You sure did, and you tried to put too much in it the last time," Davina offered. She paused for a few moments and then offered, "Okay. I'll lick this one time; if it will make you feel better - so, we can get this session over with. But, the next time you will do all of the licking."
Jake happily replied, "That sounds perfect." Reaching for a box on the table, Jake continued, "Here's some  envelopes. We have to get these letters to the mailbox before 4:00 p.m. Maybe, I can buy us a sponge to use for sealing envelopes - the next time."
"Finally, you get a clue," offered Davina.

Until next week, keep praising HIS name!
Sir Charles

"I have to pray before I read your blog postings." ~ A regular blog reader

Behind Every Dark Cloud - The Second Edition is now available at - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook. Just in time for the holidays!