Wednesday, August 8, 2012
The Church Announcements (Part 1)
The following is a recap of my weekly announcements during church service:
"On behalf of our Pastor who wearing all of that red on the rostrum, welcome to our church service this morning."
"... And now, it's time for the church announcements:"
"Today, we are selling t-shirts for the annual church picnic and church anniversary. The cost is ten dollars, and the sizes range from small to extra large. However, I'm not really sure who needs a "small". We also have triple-X sizes, as well. There will be an extra two dollars for the plus sizes. If you don't want to pay that amount for a plus size - you can go on a diet this week."
(A cell phone rings from within the congregation.)
"And speaking of the church's anniversary, next Sunday will be casual Sunday. Feel free to dress comfortably. However, men should wear shirts, and no Daisy Duke shorts or halter tops for the ladies...just saying."
(The cell phone rings, again. I am becoming slightly annoyed.)
"The Men's Ministry is sponsoring their annual "Men Who Cook Contest "next month. This means that we only want original recipes. Please, do not bring anything out of a can, cooked on a hot plate, or on a George Foreman Grill."
"Our special church dinner will be held on the fourth Wednesday. The cost will be four dollars per person. If you don't pay; you will have to sit in the back of the fellowship hall and eat peanuts and mints and drink water with the Pastor."
"And that concludes the church announcements for this morning."
(The cell phone rings, again.)
"I think Jesus is trying to call SOMEBODY this morning." (Widespread laughter and applause as I take a bow and wave.)
After I had returned to my seat; my niece, Noir, leans over and states, "You know, we were not applauding you for your performance. We were clapping because you were finally finished with the announcements. And you were just standing up their waving and bowing. Really, uncle..."
Until next week, keep praising HIS name! Peace and Blessings Always!
All of my books and ebooks are available at http://www.iuniverse.com/ and http://www.xlibris.com/ - Charles Carroll Lee. They will also make for some nice summer readings. Just saying...)