Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Who Does She Think She Is?
There has been some bad weather around the eastern half of the United States. First, there was Tropical Storm Debby swirling around in the Gulf Coast. I heard someone say that if meteorologists want U.S. residents to take Debby seriously, then perhaps they should have given her a more intimidating name - like Tropical Storm Deborah. Debby reminds people of the seventies porn flick, "Debbie Does Dallas" or even those delicious "Little Debbie Snack Cakes." When I hear the name "Debby," I think of "Debbie Downer." So, who could be afraid of "Debbie" or "Debby?"
Secondly, this past week, most of Virginia was under a severe weather alert. Tornadoes, wind and severe storms were imminent. Once the National Weather Service had issued a warning; my entire office building was corralled into the first floor fitness room like a herd of overweight cattle. There were a few co-workers to include Clara Kenney who were exempt from being held hostage because they were on "emergency duty." My co-workers took a few moments to examine the fitness room with awe and amazement. It was the very first visit for most of them after being in our new building for about three years, now. Some even acted as though they were allergic to the exercise equipment.
Once, we were shephered into the seldom used fitness room; our shepherd, Clara Kenney, announced, "No one is to leave this room until 3:15 p.m. I mean it!" in her loudest voice. She then exited the room and closed the door behind her.
Toward no one in particular, I asked, "Who does she think she is?"
"Clara Kenney," Linda Banks, replied.
Noticing, Velma Jenkins standing on the treadmill, I said, "Velma, you need to turn on that treadmill and stop standing on it. It'll do you a world of good."
Velma snarled at my statement as Linda offered her bowl of grapes, cheese and crackers. I answered, "I think we may want to wait and see how long Clara Kenney holds us hostage in this little room. If she doesn't let us go by 7 p.m., I will have one grape. We may have to ration your snacks."
Laughing out loud, Linda added, "And I will eat a half of a cracker."
Minutes passed as co-workers began to complain of the heat and being claustrophobic. Clara Kenney made another appearance and another weather update. She announced, "Each of you have to stay here for five more minutes! No one is to leave this room!" She turned to leave the stuffy room.
I asked aloud, "And just where are you going, Clara Kenney?"
"I'm watching the weather from the front desk," she answered.
"You better get your hind parts back in this room with the rest of us," I commanded.
"No! I have to see if the tornado is coming. People are getting wet! The front door flew wide open! And some man got drenched!" Clara retorted.
"So, who put you in charge of the tornado?" I asked as everyone released an audible laugh.
"I'm just trying to be helpful."
"One more time, who put you in charge of the tornado?"
"The emergency preparedness coordinator. I hate you with every fiber of my being, Charles Lee."
"I know right. What are you going to do if a tornado actually hits, Clara?"
"Huh?" was her reply.
"Did I stutter?"
"I'm going to come in here," Clara replied.
"Now, you want to come in here," I offered with a slight smile.
Linda added, "You know, Charles, I think we can both take Clara Kenney with no problem. I'm from New Jersey."
"I'll kneel down behind her and you can push her from the front," I offered with a smirk on my face.
Finally, we were released from the fitness room, with all of my co-workers remaining the exact same size and weight as they had entered it. I had hoped that some of them would have passed the time away by actually turning on the treadmill and using the strength conditioning equipment instead of using them as a seat. But, no such luck. All I got was Clara Kenney, the Shepherd and Tornado Watcher.
Until next week....Keep praising HIS name!
All of my books and ebooks are available at http://www.iuniverse.com/ and http://www.xlibris.com/ - Charles Carroll Lee. They will also make for some nice summer readings. Just saying...)