Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Nature's Candy

My co-workers love candy; especially those wrapped in an attractive wrapper and nestled in a cute little dish on someone's desk. It must be the shine of the glass dish and the "attention-getting" wrapper that makes them love it so much. It's like they go into a hypnotic trance when they see a glass dish.

"Come to me! Come to me! Come!" the candy dish beckons.
"I will. I gladly obey," is a co-worker's monotone response.

I had an idea once. I would purchase some beautifully wrapped chocolate covered pitted prunes and place them in some candy dishes throughout the office. I am sure my co-workers would think that they are simply delicious. It's not like they are going to read the wrapper or anything. They would hastily unwrap the medium sized morsel, place it in their mouth and chew. A few co-workers may even go for seconds and thirds and fourths. Then, I would just sit back and watch what happens. I guess that would be pretty obvious - wouldn't it? They say prunes are "Nature's Candy."

One day a friend, Thomasine Harris Shelton, began to suffer from constant diarrhea. Morning, noon and night Thomasine sat on her porcelain throne. Because of her constant trips to the bathroom, Thomasine was forced to take a few days off from work. She had even wiped herself raw, and now it was hard for her to sit comfortably. Thomasine blamed the "rawness" on the double-ply bathroom tissue. "This toilet paper feels like sandpaper. It will tear your ass up!" she said aloud. Later that night while watching television, she reached into her handbag and proceeded to consume a few snacks.

After a few days and no relief, she decided to visit Doctor Aaron Graves.  However, Thomasine was excited that she had lost a few pounds. But, she didn't want to lose it all in the bathroom. Doctor Graves asked the worried Thomasine Harris Shelton a series of health related questions and then ordered some tests. He didn't seem overly concerned other than the noxious smell that was oozing from his patient. Thomasine's Estee Lauder perfume could not mask her problem.

Days later, Thomasine returned for her medical follow-up. As usual, she ate a snack from her handbag before entering the office. Minutes later, she was escorted to the exam room and had her blood pressure and temperature taken by the young nursing assistant. Doctor Graves entered the exam room following the assistant's departure.

"Well, it looks like nothing is wrong. Your metabolic profile is normal," he said.
"Thank God," Thomasine said.
Doctor Graves continued, "Your liver looks fine, too. And you just had a colonoscopy. That was normal. I'm not sure why you are having diarrhea. What are you eating?"
"I eat oatmeal for breakfast. A nice salad for lunch and chicken, fish or a lean cut of beef for dinner with a vegetable and a baked potato," offered Thomasine.
"Snacks?" asked Doctor Graves.
Reaching into her handbag and pulling out a large plastic bag like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat, Thomasine replied, "I eat these between meals."
With wide-eyed amazement, "Where did you get these?" Doctor Graves asked.
"The store."
"Do you know what these are?" the doctor asked as he examined the contents of the bag.
"Chocolate candy. A friend of mine named Charles Lee told me they were chocolate candy."
"No. They are dried prunes! I think we've found your problem!" Doctor Graves confirmed with a boisterous laugh.
"Oh my. I knew I shouldn't have listened to him. I was eating those prunes like peanuts, too," said a relieved Thomasine.

I didn't think Thomasine believed me when I told her it was "chocolate candy." I guess I have a trusting face and demeanor....(Okay, so a tiny bit of this blog posting is untrue...)

Until next week....Keep praising HIS name!
Sir Charles

All of my books and ebooks are available at and - Charles Carroll Lee. They will also make for some nice summer readings. Just saying...)

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