Wednesday, May 23, 2012
A Dirty Movie
One fall morning, I was so excited to attend my seventh grade health class. My health and physical education teacher, Mr. Craddock, informed the class that we will have a discussion on sex and see a film during our next scheduled class. The girls will have class with Mrs. Petrock, and the boys will remain with him.
After class, a couple of friends and I discussed the potential format for the next class. We all thought that we would watch a pornographic film with the "important" parts blacked out and discuss how to have sex in different positions - missionary, doggy style, and so on. We all had made plans to wear our best clothes and be on our best behavior until after the class. Heaven forbid that Mr. Craddock would cancel our sex talk and not show us a "dirty movie" due to bad behavior. I rushed home that day and called my sister, Belinda, on the phone.
"Hey, we're going to talk about sex in health class on Thursday," I said.
"Really? Did you tell Mom and Daddy?" asked Belinda.
"Heck no! They may get mad and call the school. We're gonna see a 'dirty movie', too," I replied much to Belinda's amusement.
"They're not going to show a 'dirty movie' to elementary school kids," offered Belinda.
"Yes, they are. Mr. Craddock said that we will watch a film," I had replied with confidence.
Thursday's health class finally arrived. I believed we all had arrived at school a little earlier than usual dressed in our good school clothes. I'm not sure why we felt the need to get dressed up to watch a 'dirty movie' and talk about sex. A few of my male class mates had even bathed themselves in "Brut" and "High Karate" cologne. I guess they wanted to smell good for the sex talk. The class ended after fifty minutes, and we all attended the rest of our classes for the day. That evening with Mom at work and Daddy fast asleep on the sofa, I decided to sneak a call to Belinda to give her a recap of my day.
"Hey," I said into the receiver.
"Hey! How did the sex talk and the movie turn out?" asked Belinda.
"Actually, we did see a film. But, it was the actor James Brolin talking about VD (venereal disease or STI) for the entire film. Then Mr. Craddock told us how we can catch it. He said that when he was young if a boy had VD - he had to place his dick on a table and have the doctor hit it with a hammer until it got unclogged."
Trying to suppress a laugh, Belinda offered, "Oh really?"
"Yep. And then Mr. Craddock said that if a guy wanted to find out if a girl had VD or not way back then; they would take the wax out of his ear and stick it up her pussy. If it burned; she had VD," I replied.
Screaming at the top of her lungs, Belinda replied, "What kind of a guy would do that?! And what kind of a girl would let a guy put earwax up her vagina?! Ewwwwwwww!!!!!!"
"I dunno," I answered. "I'm just repeating what I learned in school today. So, all the guys in my class are mad because we didn't get to see a 'dirty movie.' They were real quiet after health class - all day, too. The girls in my class said they saw a film on VD, too. We're having a test on VD next week; so, I have to go study."
"Okay," replied Belinda."
I then said, "I don't think I'll be catching VD. I don't want a doctor hitting me with a hammer," as I ended the call.
Until next week....keep praising HIS name!
(All of my books and ebooks are available at http://www.iuniverse.com/ and http://www.xlibris.com/ - Charles Carroll Lee. They will also make for some nice summer readings. Just saying...)