Wednesday, April 25, 2012

It's Too Big! (Big Daddy Denny Crown)

Scarlette screamed as loud as she could, "It's too big! It's gonna hurt when you stick it in!" She was screaming so loud that Denny Crown couldn't quite understand what Scarlette was saying. It was a cacophony inside the medium sized room. Denny was focused on giving Scarlette exactly what she needed and had hoped that she wasn't disturbing the entire building or neighborhood. Besides, he has a reputation to maintain.

Denny, a little over six feet tall with an imposing body build, walked toward a cabinet to retrieve a tool. Scarlette continued to scream, "Please don't hurt me, Mister! I know it's gonna be too big for me! I've never had anything real big before! Oh God, please help me!"

Still thinking that Scarlette was incoherent, Denny showed her his "apparatus". He said in his most reassuring voice, "This is what I'm going to use on you. It's not that big."
"Oh no! I can't take that!" exclaimed Scarlette. Her feet dangled from a table. "I'm gonna die!"
Denny offered, "No, you are not going to die. You will be just fine. I'll be as gentle as I can."
"Oh please, Mister! That's way too big for me!" Scarlette continued to shout. She said, "I'm a virgin when it comes to this," in hopes that Denny would take it easy on her.
Ignoring Scarlette's last statement, Denny said, "You know what? I have to go get something. Don't move."
"Wait! Can I take it in my mouth instead?" asked Scarlette.
"No, you can't put this in your mouth. I don't even think you can," Denny replied as he left the room.

Denny opened the door and stepped into the hallway. He found some ladies laughing at  him near an oval shaped workstation. After smiling at the laughing ladies, Denny had a thought.

"All I did was pull it out and showed it to her, and she just went crazy. I haven't even stuck it in yet," he said as a matter of fact. The registered nurses laughed even harder at Denny. His co-workers explained that they had heard what Scarlette was shouting from the exam room and then informed Denny at how his and Scarlette's conversation could have been interpreted. Once he reflected on the conversation; Denny laughed along with his co-workers, retrieved a pair of non-latex gloves and returned to the exam room.

Once he entered the room and closed the door behind him, Denny asked, "Are you ready for your bacillin shot? I've already showed  you the needle. It won't hurt too much. I promise."
"Yes, it will!" Scarlette exclaimed once again.
"So, you are afraid of needles, huh?" asked Denny as he prepared the needle for entry.
"Yes, with a passion! Oh, that's too big!" Scarlette said toward Denny and the needle.
"It's not that large, and it'll be over before you know it," offered Denny.

When Denny began the injection, Scarlette screamed like a wild banshee - as though she was having a weird orgasm of some sort - much to the amusement of Denny's co-workers at the workstation. After Denny had administered the shot, he informed Scarlette, "Next time you come in here, I'm going to let another nurse see you. You just gave me a headache." Denny returned to his workstation as his fellow registered nurses chanted, "Big Daddy Denny Crown!"

Until next week...keep praising HIS name!
Sir Charles




In The Black

In The Black

Preacher Man

and

Behind Every Dark Cloud - The Critically Acclaimed Novel - The Second Edition

Available at www.xlibris.com www.amazon.com www.barnesandnoble.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.




Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Debbie Downer - The Conclusion of "A Bitter Betty"




And just when we thought the night could not get any better than this entertainment, one of the honorees stood at her table and sashayed to the podium to receive her Waterford Crystal Trophy Bowl. Shawntae' Goodwine, slender in build with soft, delicate features and a new nose according to Delana Crawford, stood next to the Mistress of Ceremonies. Shawntae was being honored for her community service work and being an extraordinary example of good womanhood.

The Mistress of Ceremonies read a long list of Shawntae's accomplishments and other awards to those in attendance. She smiled with glee. Delana said to no one in particular, "She sure looks strange, today." Kathy Jones reluctantly agreed. Following the reading of her long biography, Shawntae was offered the opportunity to make a few remarks after receiving her engraved trophy bowl. One would have thought that Shawntae' had won the Miss Universe Pageant. She cleared her throat and began to thank those in attendance. Delana's brows drew closer together during Shawntae's speech.

"I had no idea that her voice was so thick, deep and heavy," Delana whispered to her table guests.
"It sure is. And she's so tall, too," offered Kathy in a similar whisper.
"Well, she is an example of good womanhood. I guess the two of you should take notice," said Irving.
"Hmphf, she ain't all that," Kathy said.
"For once this evening; I agree with you, Kathy," said Delana.
Laughing out loud, Irving said, "Look at this...you two are a 'Bitter Betty' and a 'Debbie Downer'. This is supposed to be a fun occasion."
"Irving, behave yourself," Delana said with a soft laugh.

Shawntae' began to close her acceptance speech and then took a brief pause. She surveyed the grand ballroom. The honoree had one more thing to add to the evening.

In her husky voice, she said, "I have one more thing to say to each of you.. I am one of the esteemed honorees for this evening, and I am more woman than any of you women will ever be. I am an example of a good woman. I even have a Waterford Crystal Trophy Bowl to prove it," to the gasps of the attendees. Shawntae continued, "And furthermore.... (She lifted her slender arm in the air and pulled her reddish brown wig off of her head to reveal a low cut fade. Shawntae then lifted her beaded gown to her chest to reveal a pair of white underwear with a "bulge" and a hairy abdomen.)....I am a dude!"

Gasps and laughter erupted across the ballroom. The Mistress of Ceremonies fainted as camera flashes lit the room.

Slapping her hands on the table, Delana said, "I knew it! I just knew it!" as we all laughed silently.
"Girl, you ain't know nothing," Kathy said to Delana.
"Yes, I did, too!" offered Delana.
Kathy said, "Next year, the Committee probably needs to look under those dresses to see the "goodies" before bestowing an award for good womanhood. Shawntae should've at least shaved her stomach...or 'his' stomach."

Until next week...keep praising HIS name!
Sir Charles

(All of my books and ebooks are available at http://www.iuniverse.com/ and http://www.xlibris.com/ - Charles Carroll Lee. They will make for some nice summer readings. Just saying...)

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

A Bitter Betty


A banquet that promised to bring an evening of class and elegance was well under way. Dressed to the nines, dignitaries and invited guests made their entrance into the hotel's grand ballroom. Kathy Jones sat alone at a large table that would seat ten people, comfortably. She sported thick, dark, shoulder length hair and wore a jacket and a tight-fitting skirt. Kathy's jacket could barely contain her large breasts, and her skirt could barely envelope her full hips and rear end. Every few seconds, Kathy had to pull her lapels together to cover herself. She crossed her legs at the ankles to keep her skirt from "riding up."

Moments later, Kathy heard an applause and looked toward the doors leading into the ballroom. "Ugh!" she said. Delana Crawford and her banker husband, Irving, had finally made their appearance. The Crawford's posed for the paparazzi and sauntered to Kathy's table. Delana stands at 5'7 with a slender body build and wears her hair short and honey blond. By the time the Crawford's had made it to the table, I and few other associates were already seated and making small talk. Kathy and Delana had worked on a few commissions and committees together and apparently like to take "stabs" at each other whenever and wherever the opportunity presents itself.

"Kathy! Sweetheart! You must be here all alone," Delana offered as she took her seat three chairs away from me.
"Yes, I am. And what's it to you?" asked Kathy as she pulled her lapels closer together. Discreetly, Kathy tried to keep her ample breasts from resting on the table.
"Nothing dear. I was just stating the obvious," Delana retorted as she waved to nearby guests. She then introduced herself and her husband to those seated at the table.
After several minutes and conversations had passed, Kathy asked no one in particular, "I wonder what they are serving for dinner?"
"Girl, if I were you I would just stick with the salad and no dressing," offered  Delana.
"With your bony ass, you need to eat every meal at this table," Kathy retorted with a smile.
"Let's not be a 'Bitter Betty'," Delana said toward Kathy.
"Ladies, let's play nice," Irving offered.

Following the introduction of the head table and the honorees as well as the purpose of the evening; dinner was finally served. We all began to eat the cornish hens, rice, string beans and carrot cake for dessert. During our meal, Kathy noticed something unusual.

"Is this table lopsided?" Kathy asked.
"Yes, it is," Irving replied, as we all began to notice the malfunction.
Delana chimed in and said, "Why, it sure is," as she surveyed the table.
"Maybe you should wedge yourself underneath the table leg to level it out; you're skinny enough," offered Kathy.
"Well, perhaps if you get your big titties off of the table, Kathy; it wouldn't be lopsided," Delana said as everyone broke into laughter. She made vain attempts to level the table with her well-manicured hands.
 "At least I got some titties - you flat chested...." Kathy said as she decided to end her statement.
"I just may be small chested; but, I don't want any titties that's going to make a whole table tilt over," Delana said with her best smile of the evening.

And just when we thought the night could not get any better than this entertainment, one of the honorees....( I have to save the rest for another blog post. I am running out of space. Consider this your cliffhanger. LOL.)

Until next week...keep praising HIS name!
Sir Charles

(All of my books and ebooks are available at http://www.iuniverse.com/ and http://www.xlibris.com/ - Charles Carroll Lee. They will make for some nice summer readings. Just saying...)

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

A Crown and a Poem


Well, allergy season is in full swing for me. Actually, it started in late January because my town did not experience any real cold weather much less a snow or ice storm this season. Normally, my allergy starts every April and lasts until the beginning of June. I remember hearing older people say, "We need some snow to kill some of these germs." I think I now know what they meant. So, I've been taking a tablespoon of local honey everyday to clear up my allergies. It really does work for me. When I was sneezing and coughing very heavily, I began to think about all of the flowers and trees that were blooming and my first grade project on a tree called, pussy willow.

One morning during "Show and Tell", my first grade teacher, Mrs. Spain, brought an unusual looking small tree to school. We all asked what was the name of the tree. She proudly replied, "It's called a pussy willow." Her entire class laughed, hysterically. After she slapped her ruler against her desk a half-dozen times to regain control of the class, Mrs. Spain gave us an assignment. Our task was to write a poem on this small, funny looking tree.

Being an obedient first grader, I began to write my first poem. If memory serves me correctly, it went something like this (I think):

Pussy willow, pussy willow
You are so soft
Pussy willow, pussy willow
You are so fuzzy
Pussy willow, pussy willow
You are a beautiful tree

Unfortunately, I had the best poem because it had captured the essence of the tree, and I had the best penmanship in the class. And for my reward - Mrs. Spain made me a crown from  poster board and pasted a large, silver, shiny star on the center of it (no, it was not a dunce cap). Also, because she was so impressed with my poem, I was instructed to recite my poem to all of the first grade classes in the building. Needless to say, after I had uttered the very first word of my poem (pussy) to the first class I visited; they all burst into laughter including the teacher, Mrs. Loving. She clutched her pearls, turned as red as a beet and laughed as loud as her students.

So, after that class, I decided to sit on the steps leading toward the second floor until a good amount of time had passed. Upon returning to my classroom,  I lied to Mrs. Spain by telling her that I had read my poem to all the first graders - like any embarrassed first grader would've done.

When my teenage sister, Belinda, had arrived at the end of the school day to pick me up in Mom and Daddy's car, she yelled from the car window, "Why are you wearing a crown on your head?" I gave her a recap of which was now the worst day of my six years of living and read her my poem. Belinda laughed harder than my classmates. She made me wear the crown home and read the poem to Mom and Daddy.

Fortunately, my parents didn't laugh at my poem or my crown. They just smiled very broadly. If they had laughed in front of me; I may have been traumatized and unable to release my creative processes for the rest of my life. However, I'm sure they couldn't wait until I went to bed so that they could laugh.

Until next week...keep praising HIS name!
Sir Charles
Behind Every Dark Cloud



"When I read your stories, it is truly like a box of cherries, I NEVER know WHAT I'm gonna get." ~ a regular blog reader


In The Black

Preacher Man

and

Behind Every Dark Cloud - The Critically Acclaimed Novel - The Second Edition

Available at www.xlibris.com www.amazon.com www.barnesandnoble.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.