Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Juanita and her two pre-teen grandchildren, Jerry and Caitlin, entered the busy Wal-Mart Superstore. The middle aged grandmother could feel her knee "acting" up and debated if she should use one of the store's complimentary hoverounds. Jerry and Caitlin had both noticed Juanita's slight limp from the car to the store's entrance. Jerry had an idea that he wanted to share with Juanita.

"Hey grandma, why don't you use one of those motorized chairs?"
Caitlin chimed in and said, "Yeah grandma, it will take the pressure off of your knee."
As though she were appalled and offended, Juanita countered, "I'm not getting in that thing! People are going to be looking at me!"
Jerry said, "But, your knee least give it a try."
"Yeah, give it a try, grandma," offered Caitlin.
"Dang it! Okay. I'll try it," said Juanita as she eased into the hoveround.

She placed her handbag in the basket and began to steer the motorized chair through the giant store. Because, Juanita could not get the hang of the hoveround, she jerked back and forth for several feet - much to her grandchildren's amusement. Trying to make a turn down the cereal aisle, Juanita accidentally bumped into a large Cheerios's display knocking several boxes onto the floor. Jerry quickly picked up a large box and placed it in Juanita's basket.

Continuing down the aisle, Caitlin placed a box of Pop Tarts in the basket while Juanita rolled over a young girl's doll - by accident. She apologized profusely to the crying girl and her mother as she rolled down the aisle. "I hate this thing," Juanita mumbled aloud. Two aisles later, Jerry and Caitlin had added paper towels, soft drinks and a dozen eggs that were teetering on the side of the basket. The grandchildren had completely blocked Juanita's vision with groceries. She now became a little nervous. "This is worse than driving in a foot of snow," she told her grandchildren.

Now, rolling down the frozen food aisle with Jerry and Caitlin walking on both sides of her and peering around the groceries in her basket; the trio found two occupied hoverounds blocking their path. Jerry reached for a bag of mixed vegetables and placed them on top of the paper towels. Observing the other motorized wheel chairs, Caitlin had a thought.

"Grandma, you are going to have to turn around, anyway. Besides, we need some ice cream down at the other end," said Caitlin.
"Dang it! Okay," said Juanita.

Juanita pressed the reverse button and immediately the sound, "Beep! Beep! Beep!" was released throughout the food section. Jerry and Caitlin laughed hysterically. Juanita then made vain attempts to turn the hoveround in the opposite direction; but, instead she bumped into one freezer door and then ran head on into the door on the other side of the aisle.

While Juanita's hoveround was going "Beep! Beep! Beep!" a young child from another aisle shouted, "Mommy, is that a truck making that noise!"
"No, it's not!" Juanita shouted as she bumped into one freezer door and then the other - over and over again. Jerry and Caitlin continued their hysterical laughter.

As she bumped into the freezer doors, large packages of lightweight paper products fell onto the aisle and onto Juanita's head. Her grandchildren were too busy laughing to help their grandmother. After she finally learned how to stop the hoveround; Juanita released some bad words. She removed herself from the chair and noticed that nearly all of the customers on the frozen food aisle were laughing at her. Juanita dugged for her handbag underneath the grocery items, reached for her debit card and told her grandson to get a basket and pay for the groceries. She exclaimed, "I'm going to my car! I've had enough of this for one day! And for a long as I live, I will never ride in one again!"

An elderly gentleman standing behind his shopping cart said to no one in particular, "That was funnier than an I Love Lucy episode."

Until next week...keep praising His name,
Sir Charles

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