Monday, December 5, 2011

Alberta Royall

My friend, Alberta Royall, had a "thing" for the UPS man who made deliveries to her apartment complex. The UPS man always arrived at the complex at the same time practically every day. And, Alberta made it her business to be highly visible when he knocked on one her neighbor's door. She would smooth the back of her short, stylish hair with her manicured hand and check her lipstick in the mirror by the door. Exiting her apartment, Alberta would pretend that she was searching for something in her handbag and accidentally "bump" into him en route to her car. The UPS man would always display all thirty-two of his teeth to the giggling Alberta.

One day, Alberta had an idea. She decided to order some items from a clothing website and had them shipped via UPS. This would surely give her the opportunity to formally meet the UPS man. Unfortunately, when her shipment arrived at its appointed day and hour - conveniently on her day off from work - Alberta's package was in the hands of a female UPS driver. "Dang it!" she whispered when she looked out of the door's peep hole. "I done fixed my hair and painted my nails for nothing," she said aloud.

Opening her door, Alberta offered, "Hello, is this my delivery?" in her deep, feminine voice with a hint of a southern drawl.
"Yes, it is. Are you Ms. Alberta Royall?" the brunette UPS lady asked.
Alberta replied, "I sure am." She then asked, "Where is the other guy who normally makes deliveries?"
"Oh, he's off today and tomorrow. Have a nice day," the lady replied as she hurried to her brown truck.
"Dang. She could've mentioned his name. Oh, well," Alberta mumbled.

Several days had passed and there was no UPS man sightings. Alberta's heart felt as though it was breaking. She was beginning to miss the man in his brown shirt, matching shorts and toothy smile. After leaving work and noticing that the fuel gauge on her car's dashboard was blinking furiously; Alberta stopped at the nearest gas station. She paid for her purchase inside the small rinky dink store, returned to her vehicle, inserted the hose into the gas tank's opening and began pumping fuel.

Moments later, Alberta noticed a brown UPS truck pulling into the gas station's parking area. The UPS man jumped off the truck with his broad smile and instantly noticed Alberta. He trotted to her car.

"Hey! How are you?" The UPS man asked.
Trying not to faint and stutter, Alberta replied, "I'm fine and you? I haven't seen you in awhile."
"Yeah, they gave me a new route. What's your name?" he asked.
"Alberta Royall. Yours?"
"Michael Worthington. Can I have your number so we can go out over the weekend?"
"Sure," Alberta replied, as she continued to pump gas into her car.

After they had exchanged numbers and Michael had left to make his next delivery; Alberta quickly jumped in her car and drove toward her home. During her drive, Alberta noticed that pedestrians were pointing and yelling at her. She looked in her rear view mirror to check her lipstick and realized that it looked fine. As she approached a traffic light; a female driver in the next lane looked at Alberta and laughed, hysterically. Once again, Alberta inspected her image in the rear view mirror and rubbed the back of her head with her hand. "Why is everyone laughing at me? I wish they would stop it, and I look just fine in the mirror. And why is my car making funny noises? I don't have any money for car repairs!" she said aloud. Driving for three miles with the entire community laughing at her, a stately gentleman in a late model Buick caught Alberta's attention at the traffic light. He tried to contain his laughter.

"Excuse me, miss! You have a gas pump hose stuck in your car!"
"What?!" Alberta exclaimed as she looked in her side mirror and then out of the car window. "Well, I be damned! I drove off with the gas pump hose still in my car! I forgot to take it out after talking to Michael! That's what that noise was!" she said aloud.

So, Alberta exited her car at the traffic light and placed the gas pump hose into the trunk -  much to driver's and pedestrian's amusement. She then returned to the rinky dink gas station with hose in hand. The store attendant immediately informed Alberta that she will have to pay for the broken hose. She replied, "As high as gas is - I think not. You better be glad I brought the hose back. Y'all need to update your old gas pumps, anyway."

Alberta placed the long, black hose on the counter and quickly exited the store while the customers all laughed, aloud. Sitting in her car, Alberta said, "That was so embarrassing. Everyone laughed at me. At least I got a date with Michael. I wonder if I should tell Charles about this?"

Until next week....keep praising His name,
Sir Charles

My novels are available on - Charles Carroll Lee. They are now available on ebooks just in time for the holidays!!!

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