Wednesday, September 14, 2011

"I'm finished!"

(Disclaimer: The following is a true story. The names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty. The first time this story was told to me; I giggled all day long. I hope you do as well.)



"I'm finished!" Liv's six-year-old daughter, Angelica, yelled as she turned off the shower.
"No, you are not! You just turned on the shower two seconds ago! You can't be finished! Turn that water back on and wash your hind parts, girl!" Liv retorted.
Hearing her cell phone ring on the downstairs coffee table, Liv traveled down the steps and grunted as she studied the caller ID.
Sighing, Liv said, "Hello, Gloria."
"Do you know what your sister-in-law, Althea, just did to me? Huh?" Gloria shouted.
"Lower your voice. No, I don't," replied Liv.
"She called the police on me!"
Hating herself for asking the question, "For what?" Liv asked.
"Stealing her cheap jewelry. The police detective just left my house and asked if I had stolen her diamond cocktail ring. He said that Althea thought I went to her house to steal from her. I told him that I was over Althea's to help her clean that nasty ol' house of hers. I then told him to go back to her house and look at her left ring finger. That ring was on her finger when I left her house."
Trying to contain her laughter, Liv asked, "Then what happened?"
"The police went back to her house; looked at Althea's finger and asked her what was on it. That ditsy broad said, 'Oh, I meant to call and tell you that I found it.' I get so tired of her sometimes," Gloria stated. "She's been a dingbat since she was five-years-old. I wish Mom and Dad had brought home another baby, instead," she continued.

Yelling from the upstairs shower, Angelica asked, "Ma, am I finished, yet?"
"No!" Liv, yelled in returned. "I need a few minutes to myself," she mumbled.

Ending her conversation with her husband's sister, Liv reflected on one of Althea Mavis Brooks' escapades.

"I'm filing a class action lawsuit, and I should have my claim money within a few days," Althea told the car salesman, Steve Luckett.
"Well, Mrs. Brooks, why don't you drive this 2012 Cadillac XTS home. Keep it and then bring us the money after you get your claim," Steve offered.

A week later, the claim money still had not arrived. Althea was totally oblivious to calling the car salesman, and she had been driving the luxury vehicle to church, on out-of-town trips, to the doctor's office; the grocery store; to breakfast, lunch and dinner and to the movies. So, Steve decided to take the initiative.

"Mrs. Brooks, how are you enjoying the car?"
"Oh, I just love it. The check still hasn't arrived, yet. It should be here on tomorrow."
"Okay, just come on in and let's settle everything then."
"Will do," Althea replied.

Realizing that it's time to check the mail, Althea opened the front door; waved at her neighbors and slid her hand into the mailbox. Retrieving the single piece of mail, Althea studied the small envelope; ripped it opened at the perforations and noticed that her check had finally arrived. She rushed to the phone to redial Steve Luckett.

"Hello, Mr. Luckett. This is Althea Mavis Brooks, and my check has arrived!"
"Oh, that's great! What time can I expect to see you?" Steve replied.
"Well, there is just one thing. My class action lawsuit check is in the amount of $6.48. So, what I'm willing to do is to pay you $25.00 per month from my retirement check until the car is paid for. That is all I can afford."
"What I suggest is that you bring that 2012 Cadillac back to the dealership before I call the cops on you," Steve offered.

Liv thought aloud, "I guess Althea Mavis Brooks will have to continue driving her 1992 Buick." Her thoughts and laughter was interrupted by, "Ma! I'm really finished - this time! I'm turning into a prune!"

Now, that really is a true story. Althea Mavis Brooks has a few other escapades under her sleeve. Next week, I may share those in a post or some interesting quips on Virginia's recent earthquake and hurricane. Make sure you notice the new buttons at the bottom of this page and the graphic at the top of the page. I'm trying to get high-tech.


Much love until next week and keep praising His name!
Sir Charles

(My novels and ebooks are available on http://www.xlibris.com/ - Charles Carroll Lee)

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