Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Can You Eat It?

"Hey Uncle Dylan! Michael has finished helping me with my math homework," Jerron, the six-year-old, announced to his favorite uncle. Jerron's mother was working late, and his father was on a weekend assignment for the television station.
"That's great!" Dylan said. The McQueen's were babysitting the youngster until the morning as his new daughter/niece, Deidre was curled up on a nearby overstuffed chair reading a teen novel, and his son, Michael, was upstairs listening to some music. Dylan's wife, Janelle, was having a three-way telephone conversation with her parents in the master bedroom.  
"I have to ask you something very, very important," Jerron stated. He sat next to Dylan on the large sofa.
"What is it?" Dylan quizzed. He reached for the glass of water before him and began to take a few gulps.
"What is a pussy, and can you eat it?" Jerron asked all at once.
Dylan coughed and sprayed his water from the shock of his nephew's question. Deidre giggled uncontrollably from behind her paperback novel.
"Why do you ask that question?" Dylan asked.
"Well, one night Mommy and Daddy were in their bedroom. I woke up to use the bathroom. She was crying and kept saying, 'Eat that pussy.' 'Eat that pussy.'
Stumbling for the right words to say against Deidre's now audible laughter, Dylan replied, "I'm going to let my sister and brother-in-law explain that to you. I think it's time for you to go to bed, young man. They will pick you up early in the morning.
"Okay. Thanks, uncle," Jerron said. "He then turned to Deidre and asked, "What's so funny, cousin Deidre?"
With tears of laughter rolling down her cheeks, Deidre replied, "You."






Until next time, keep praising HIS name!
Sir Charles








***This blog has reached 60,000 page views! Thank you!***

Soft cover and ebooks of my novels
"In The Black," "Behind Every Dark Cloud – Second Edition" and "Preacher Man"
are available at www.xlibris.com Charles Carroll Lee    
“I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at www.thesavannahjpublications.com/” ~ Savannah J

Friday, February 5, 2016

Where Is Your Laptop?

Yelling from the other end of the corridor, Samuel Harlow, CEO of a non-profit agency, stated, "Dennis Johnson, come fix my laptop!"
"Fix it yourself!" Dennis Johnson, the IT manager, mumbled in return. Emerging from his office and looking in the direction of the CEO, Dennis announced, "Be there in a second."
As his stomach performed somersaults, Dennis sauntered up the corridor, stuck his head in Janelle McQueen's office and said, "Lunch and drinks in fifteen minutes. I'm going to need a drink after I fix Harlow's laptop - again."
"Okay. We are not supposed to drink during work hours," she replied.
"If anyone worked for Samuel Harlow, they would drink at work, too. Be back in a few," Dennis countered.


Walking past the vacant secretary's desk, Dennis entered the CEO's office. "Yes, sir. How may I help you?" Dennis asked.
"My laptop is broken again. It won't come on. I thought you fixed it the last time. What seems to be the problem, Dennis?" Samuel asked in a harsh tone.
"Let me have a look. Would you mind letting me sit in your chair?"
"No, not at all," Samuel replied, as he and Dennis traded places.
Dennis glared at his supervisor's work area. He became puzzled. Dennis looked to his left and to his right. He then took a quick glance underneath Samuel's desk. Dennis mumbled," I can't fucking believe this." After he took a deep breath, Dennis asked, "Mr. Harlow, where is your laptop?"
"Huh?"
"Did I stutter muther fucker?" Dennis thought. He turned toward Samuel and repeated, "Where is your laptop?"
"What do you mean?"
Waving his hand over the place where the laptop should be, Dennis offered, "There is nothing here but your docking station. Look at this....it's only your docking station....there is no laptop. There's no laptop to turn on!" in a direct tone. "Did you forget to take your damn pills?" Dennis wanted to ask.
"Ohhhhhhhhh! My bad. I just remembered. I left it at home by mistake. I have to make a major presentation to the board of directors on tomorrow, and I would lose my head if it wasn't connected to my shoulders," Samuel stated in an attempt to add some humor to the situation.
"Okay," Dennis said as he removed himself from Samuel's desk and began to exit the office. He turned to the CEO and announced from the corridor, "Because of this situation, I'm taking a long lunch with Janelle. Don't ask us for a leave slip, either. I mean it."


Dennis shouted from the corridor toward his co-worker's office, "Janelle! Get your pocketbook and let's go to lunch! Hurry up!"
Janelle obeyed her favorite co-worker's command and could hardly wait to learn what was in store for Dennis Johnson.



Until next time, keep praising HIS name!
Sir Charles




***This blog has reached 60,000 page views! Thank you!***

Soft cover and ebooks of my novels
"In The Black," "Behind Every Dark Cloud – Second Edition" and "Preacher Man"
are available at www.xlibris.com Charles Carroll Lee    
“I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at www.thesavannahjpublications.com/” ~ Savannah J





Thursday, January 28, 2016

Add Me...


I think I found this text message somewhere on social media.  Short, simple and funny. Well, I think so.

Peace and Blessings Always!
Sir Charles

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Thank You For Calling

"I told you that you have the wrong number," Dylan McQueen announced into the landline phone.
"Are you sure?" asked the nasally woman.
Dylan replied, "Yes! For the umpteenth time," as he quickly ended the call.

His teenage son, Michael, and his new teenage daughter/niece, Deidre, were sitting on the nearby sofa. Michael, the math honors student, was helping Deidre with her math homework. Dylan and Janelle formally adopted Deidre from Janelle's sister. The McQueen's have no idea where Janelle's sister is residing or who is Deidre's birth father. Deidre was left, by her mother, to fend for herself in a low-income housing community. Fortunately, Janelle had a "funny feeling" about her family members and found her lovely niece sitting alone in a center block apartment. Janelle was in the next room working on a sorority project and sipping a glass of wine.

The landline phone rung once again. Dylan studied the caller ID and realized it was the same caller - much to his dismay.
Janelle shouted from the next room, "Who is that keep calling our number?"
"Let me answer it, Dad," Michael offered. He doesn't like seeing his father being annoyed. Dylan appreciates his son's over-protectiveness.
"No, Buddy. I got it. She's called ten times already, and I gave her the correct number to call - all ten times. I know it's only a digit difference, but dang it. I'm going to fix her this time."
Moving his laptop closer to the phone, Dylan cleared his throat, concentrated on disguising his voice and then announced into the phone with an upbeat and booming voice, "Hello! Thank you for calling the Sheraton Hotel! This is Dylan McQueen! How may I direct your call?"

Michael and Deidre exploded into silent laughter. Dylan's disguised voice reminded the teens of a television announcer.

The constant caller stated, "Thank goodness. I finally dialed the right number. This is Mrs. Edna Hill Cozart. I need to make reservations, please."
"Why sure! I can help you with that, Mrs. Cozart," Dylan offered as he moved his fingers across the keyboard. "Now, when is your arrival date?"
"Wednesday the 25th at noon."
Continuing to strum his fingers across the keyboard, Dylan repeated the day and time of the nasally woman's arrival. He stated, "Great! We have plenty of vacancies, and I can put you in our presidential suite. A continental breakfast, wake up call, a massage and spa treatment are just some of the things included with that - all for the price of one of our regular rooms."
"Wonderful!" she exclaimed.
Smiling at his son and daughter while giving them the hush signal, Dylan asked the caller, "When is your check out date? And will you need a rental car during your stay with us?"
"I would like to check out on Sunday afternoon. Why yes. Yes, I would like a rental."
Moving his fingers across the keyboard, Dylan replied, "Sounds great. A car will be ready for you upon your arrival. Just tell the front desk staff during check-in. Now, all I need is your credit card number to hold the room."

The woman gave Dylan her credit card number while he pretended to log the information into his computer. After a brief pause, he asked, "Will you need anything else before I give you your confirmation number?"
"No, that will be all."
"Your confirmation number is SH9874521. Mrs. Cozart, we look forward to seeing you on Wednesday the 25th. And thank you for staying at the Sheraton Hotel."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome," Dylan offered as he ended the call. "Well, that takes care of that," Dylan mentioned toward the laughing teens.
"Dylan?!? I'm surprised at you! I can't believe you did that!" Janelle shouted from the next room.

Until next time, keep praising HIS name,
Sir Charles

***This blog has reached 50,000 page views! Thank you!***

Soft cover and ebooks of my novels
"In The Black," "Behind Every Dark Cloud – Second Edition" and "Preacher Man"
are available at www.xlibris.com Charles Carroll Lee    
“I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at www.thesavannahjpublications.com/” ~ Savannah J

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Siri, I Need Directions



"How can I help you?"
"Siri, I need directions to South Carolina!" Samuel Harlow shouted toward his new iPhone that was resting on his cluttered desk.

The CEO of a non-profit agency decided to multi-task and compose a few emails while listening for directions. Minutes earlier, Samuel had instructed his staff members Janelle McQueen and Dennis Johnson to clear his secretary's desk. Mrs. Stephenson had decided that Samuel was too much to bear as a supervisor and would rather take her chances in the unemployment line.

Placing some manuals into a large box, Dennis asked, "Why is he talking so loud?"
"I don't know. Maybe he's going deaf," Janelle replied as she emptied the desk drawers into large containers.

"You are not moving," Siri stated as a matter of fact.
"Siri, I said that I need directions to South Carolina!" Samuel demanded.
In a clear and distinct tone, the software repeated, "You are not moving."
"I know I'm not moving. I want directions to South Carolina to visit my grandchildren."
"But you are not moving. It appears that you are in a stationary position."
Puzzled, Samuel asked, "You are real?"
"Yes. Are you?"
"Look, just give me the damn directions to South Carolina!"
"You are not moving."
"You dumb ass bitch! Give me the directions!"
Siri replied, "I would never speak to you like that."
Changing his tone from frustration to amazement, Samuel stated, "I'm still surprised that you're real."
"I was just thinking the same thing," Siri replied to Janelle and Dennis' amusement.

Until next time, keep praising HIS name,
Sir Charles

***This blog has reached 50,000 page views! Thank you!***

Soft cover and ebooks of my novels
"In The Black," "Behind Every Dark Cloud – Second Edition" and "Preacher Man"
are available at www.xlibris.com Charles Carroll Lee    
“I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at www.thesavannahjpublications.com/” ~ Savannah J

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

It's A Cup Holder

The nearly seventy-year-old non-profit employee, Thelma Grant, stood in front of her cubicle. She folded her arms across her chest and searched up and down the corridor for someone to help her. Thelma enjoys her second career at the agency and plans to retire within the next few months to spend more time with her husband, children and grandkids.

Becoming slightly impatient, Thelma strolled up the corridor and found Janelle McQueen sitting in the CEO's office. Janelle was sitting across from her supervisor with feet apart, elbows on her lap and head hung low. It looked as though Janelle was sitting on the toilet. "He must be talking bull crap to her, again," Thelma thought.  She returned to her cubicle and found Dennis Johnson, the IT manager walking in her direction.

"Oh, Dennis! Can you help me?"
Dennis replied, "Sure. What do you need?"
"Well, my cup holder is broken?"
"Huh? How do you think I can fix a cup holder?" asked Dennis.
Smiling at the young man, Thelma replied, "I heard that you can fix anything. Step into my cube."
"Where's the cup holder?"
"It's right here, Dennis," Thelma replied, pointing to her cup holder.
"Huh?"
"See, it won't come out." Demonstrating her morning ritual with the computer, Thelma continued, "Every morning when I arrive, I push this little button on the hard drive. Then, the round tray with the hole comes out. This is where I place my hot coffee or iced drinks. I think it's just a great invention."
In a state of shock, Dennis offered, "Ummmm...Mrs. Grant...that's your disc drive."
"No, Dennis. It's a cup holder, and I need it fixed...right away."
"It's for a disc, not a cup, Mrs. Grant."
"No, it's a cup holder!" Thelma insisted.
Taking a deep breath and biting his bottom lip, Dennis acquiesced, "Okay, you're absolutely correct. Actually, this project is too big for my limited knowledge. So, I'm going to have a computer contractor come here and fix this for you. Hopefully, they will be here before lunch."
"Thanks, dear."
"You're going to feel like an idiot when they confirm it's a disc drive," Dennis thought. He stepped outside of Thelma's cubicle and yelled toward Samuel Harlow's office, "Janelle McQueen! Hurry up! I need lunch and a drink....right now! I know it's only 10:30 in the morning!"

Until next time, keep praising HIS name,
Sir Charles

***This blog has reached 50,000 page views! Thank you!***

Soft cover and ebooks of my novels
"In The Black," "Behind Every Dark Cloud – Second Edition" and "Preacher Man"
are available at www.xlibris.com Charles Carroll Lee    
“I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at www.thesavannahjpublications.com/” ~ Savannah J

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Did You Type, PASSWORD....?

"Dennis Johnson!" Samuel Harlow, the CEO of a small non-profit agency, shouted into the telephone
receiver. He had an emergency with his computer and wanted it corrected, immediately.
In a calm and rational tone, Dennis replied, "Yes, Mr. Harlow. How may I help you?"
"I've been away from the office for a few days and forgot my password. I need you to help me... right now. I have a major presentation this afternoon," Mr. Harlow replied in frustration.
"Dumb ass!" Dennis thought. The IT manager turned toward his keyboard and clicked a few keys until he reached Samuel Harlow's account. Dennis continued, "I'm changing your password, right now."
Breathing a sigh of relief, Mr. Harlow stated, "Thank you."
After a few more clicks of the keyboard, Dennis stated, "Your new password is 'PASSWORD' in all caps. You can change it later."
"Thanks," Mr. Harlow stated as he immediately terminated the call.

Minutes later, Dennis' phone rung once again. "The password you gave me isn't working, Dennis! What the hell are we paying you for?!?"
Collecting his thoughts and taking a few deep breaths, Dennis replied, "Did you type, 'PASSWORD' in all caps?"
"Yes, I did! Come down here and fix this, now!"

Dennis marched toward the CEO's office. He entered the sparsely decorated room without speaking to the secretary or greeting Mr. Harlow. Dennis' blood was boiling and smoke was escaping from his ears.
"What are you typing?" Dennis asked while Mr. Harlow retyped the new password.
"I'm typing, 'PASSWORD IN ALL CAPS,' just like you told me!"
"You dumb ass muther fucker!" Dennis shouted within his mind. Exhaling, Dennis reached for a sticky note and a pen on Mr. Harlow's cluttered desk and wrote in capital letters, 'PASSWORD.'" Showing Mr. Harlow the sticky note, Dennis requested, "I need for you to type this word exactly as you see it." "You jackass," he wanted to say aloud.
Mr. Harlow followed his employee instructions and was instantly surprised that he was now logged onto his personal computer. "Thanks, Dennis."
Dennis thought, "Kiss my ass." Instead, he replied, "You're welcome," and quickly exited the CEO's office to finish updating his resume and job application.


Until next time, keep praising HIS name,
Sir Charles

***This blog has reached 50,000 page views! Thank you!***

Soft cover and ebooks of my novels
"In The Black," "Behind Every Dark Cloud – Second Edition" and "Preacher Man"
are available at www.xlibris.com Charles Carroll Lee    
“I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at www.thesavannahjpublications.com/” ~ Savannah J