Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Do You Know Who I Am?

The sun was beginning to set as I arrived at the rehabilitation center. Marshall's wife, Liz, had informed me a few days ago that Marshall had a stroke after his recent weight loss surgery, and that he was suffering from some memory loss. Marshall's physician wanted him to make a complete recovery at this rehabilitation center.

I gingerly walked toward the immaculate building and took several deep breaths as I entered the tastefully decorated facility. A young Asian male was sitting at the front desk fielding phone calls from patient relatives. After he had finished his phone calls, he immediately asked how he can be of assistance. I identified myself and asked for Marshall's room number. Once I had received the room number and directions, I proceeded down the corridor with the shiny floors. "I should've worn my sunglasses," I said aloud.

When I had reached the end of the corridor, I could see Marshall sitting in the dining room with a plate of half-eaten food resting before him. He motioned me to enter the room. Immediately sitting beside him and remembering his memory loss, I asked in a whisper, "Do you know who I am?"
"Yes, I do. I remember you VERY well, Charles."
"Oh. I thought you had lost your memory," I stated.
"My memory is slowing returning, and there's some people you can never forget - like you. The doctor said that I will be as good as new in a few days," offered Marshall.
"Cool," I replied.
Marshall continued, "I'm ready to leave this place. Whether the doctors like it or not, I'm leaving here on Friday."
"You think so?" I asked.
"Yes. If they keep me here against my wishes, it will be kidnapping."
Ignoring my buddy's last statement, I asked, "How much weight are you trying to lose?"
Marshall replied, "At least one hundred and fifty pounds."
"One hundred and fifty pounds!" I exclaimed within the semi-crowded dining facility. "Wow, I hope I will recognize you the next time I see you. It looks like that will put you down to your kindergarten weight."
Sarcastically, Marshall replied, "No, Charles. It will put me down to what I was weighing when we were in college."
"Do you remember the name of our college?" 
Releasing a loud sigh, Marshall replied, "Yes, I do. We graduated from Virginia Union University." "That's good, Marshall."

Suddenly, a woman caught my attention as she entered the dining room. Marshall asked, "Who are you watching?"
I replied, "Liz is here."
With a puzzled look on his face, Marshall stated, "Who?"
"Liz. Your wife," I replied with great concern.
Shaking his head with a look of terror, Marshall stated, "No. I've never seen her before a day in my life."
"What? You don't remember your wife?" I exclaimed once again.
"Boy! I'm just playing! I know who she is. That was payback for coming here and being nosy."

Until next week, keep praising HIS name!
Sir Charles


"I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com/ ~ Savannah J., Author
Check out http://www.imagesccl3.blogspot.com for some of my interesting photographs.

In The Black   ~    Preacher Man    ~    Behind Every Dark Cloud , The Second Edition
Available at www.xlibris.com, www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Big and Wide...Isn't All That (Choking and Gagging)

"It is way too big to fit into my mouth," Casandra stated as she sipped her hot coffee. We decided to meet at our favorite coffee shop and catch up on each other's lives.
"Too big?" I asked for clarification. The barista delivered my iced coffee and iced lemon pound cake. I politely thanked him and hoped that he did not hear Casandra's last statement.
"That's what I said. Every time I put that thing in my mouth, I feel like I'm choking - gagging," Casandra replied. She gauged my expression within the crowded coffee shop.
I quickly glanced around the establishment to see who was listening to our conversation. A gray-haired woman was sitting alone at a table next to Casandra and me. However, she appeared to be deep in thought. Once I was comfortable that everyone was engrossed in their electronic devices and cups of java and not paying us any attention, I continued, "I thought you had good gag reflexes."
"So did I, but that thing is too big for me. I have to stop a few times to catch my breath. And of course I have do 'it' everyday - I just can't stop doing it," Casandra stated with a devilish smile.
Returning a smile, I offered, "That's right. It's something that should be done everyday - regardless of how big it is. So, what's your plan?"
"I've been checking around town to see who has a smaller, slimmer one. I have one in mind already. I've had it once before - a while back. Having something big and wide in your mouth for a long time isn't all that."
I sarcastically replied, "Really?"
"Yes. Really. So, I have a plan," Casandra stated as a matter-of-fact.
After taking a large gulp of my coffee, I asked with hesitation, "And what will that be?"
"I'm going to the store on tomorrow and buy a new, sleek Philip's Supersonic Toothbrush. And I will throw that big, clunky electric toothbrush that I'm using now in the trash," Casandra replied with a hearty laugh. "No more choking or gagging for me," she added.
Joining her in laughter, the gray haired woman sitting at the next table stated," I was wondering where your conversation was going. That's the best laugh I've had all month."

Until next week, keep praising HIS name!
Sir Charles


"I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com/ ~ Savannah J., Author


In The Black   ~    Preacher Man    ~    Behind Every Dark Cloud , The Second Edition
Available at www.xlibris.com, www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Undertaker Cool

(Let's again welcome our guest blogger, Kevin Dreely, V.)


In my last blog posting, "A Belated Christmas Story (The Jaws of Life)," I failed to mentioned that I am a fifth generation mortician. Also, I am quite popular in the Washington, D.C. metro area and have a lot of swag - or so I think. In my profession, I like to stay up-to-date on those souls who are about pass on to the great beyond. There is a well-known joke about me that says, "Kevin Dreely knows when someone is dead at least thirty seconds before they hit the floor." Well, that may be partially true.

Last week, the east coast was hit with a powerful winter storm. The meteorologists named it "Winter Storm Hercules." I guess they are now naming winter storms like they name hurricanes. There was a funeral scheduled for that week. The District of Columbia received some ice and snow, but not enough accumulation to cancel a funeral. Besides, the roads were passable and it was almost past the time to put the body in the ground. As usual, I was dressed in one of my eight black suits, starched white shirt with a necktie, pocket square and an overcoat. The funeral began on time with the deceased's girlfriend sitting near the casket in the massive sanctuary. When the widow made her grand entrance in a wide brim hat down the aisle with the family behind her, she tapped her late husband's girlfriend on the shoulder, leaned toward her and whispered, "Get your butt up."

Naturally, after the funeral, it was time for the interment. Since the graveyard was covered with snow and ice, I decided to put on my rubber boots. I didn't want to ruin my good pair of loafers. The widow and girlfriend tried to out cry each other during the service. And I think the girlfriend won - hands down.

After the service was completed at the cemetery, my staff directed the family back to their vehicles. In addition, we elegantly warned the mourners to watch the heavy patches of ice. Seconds later, I found myself face down and booty up kissing the icy pavement next to the hearse. I looked like, "Help...I've fallen and I can't get up." Wearing those rubber boots turned my feet into waxed paper. All of my undertaker cool and swag froze up just like a block of ice.

I am sure that a few mourners snapped photos of me kissing the ice - in that position.

With deep embarrassment,
Kevin Dreely, V
Washington, District of Columbia - USA

"I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com/ ~ Savannah J., Author


In The Black   ~    Preacher Man    ~    Behind Every Dark Cloud , The Second Edition
Available at www.xlibris.com, www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.


Thursday, January 2, 2014

A Belated Christmas Story (The Jaws of Life)

(Welcome guest blogger, Kevin Dreely,V)

It was Christmas Eve, and I was scheduled to attend a few parties during the course of the evening. Decked in my black suit, new shiny loafers, bow tie and starched white shirt; I decided to visit the ATM lobby on Minnesota Avenue in the south east section of Washington, District of Columbia. I needed funds for the cash bar and other incidentals.

As I entered the ATM lobby, the heavy door closed behind me. Naturally, I inserted my bank card into the well-lit money machine, entered my passcode and the amount of withdrawl. After I heard that wonderful and delightful rolling sound of money being dispense from the automated teller, I returned the card to my wallet and placed the money in my pocket. Ready to exit the small lobby, I placed my hand on the gold door handle. I tried to pull the door open. However, the door would not budge. So, I pulled again and again until I realized that I was locked inside the ATM lobby. The door had locked behind me.

Immediately, I called the "1-888" number for my bank. Of course, no human answered the phone since it was Christmas Eve as I pulled on the door again and again - all to no avail. In an effort to collect my thoughts, I decided to relax. Inhale and exhale. I had repeated my deep breathing exercises six times before an idea had popped into my mind. Using my smartphone, I posted a message on my social media page that read:" I am locked in the ATM Lobby on Minn. Ave SE. Can somebody in my network call them at 1-888-bbtbank. I can't get nobody on the phone."

Within a matter of moments, there were about fifty comments on my page. Some of my social media friends called 9-1-1 while others had called the bank's emergency number. Most thought that it was a practical joke and asked for a loan. In an effort to free myself, thoughts of breaking the door eased into my mind. However, I did not want to get arrested for destruction of property. Also, I had time to think of everything that had gone right and wrong during the past year. It was an odd opportunity to make my New Year's resolutions, but I made a few during my "confinement." Suddenly, in the dark of the night, one could hear the sounds of sirens blending with the night air and busy traffic. The fire department had arrived to my rescue with three noisy trucks - and plenty of amused onlookers. Where were they when the door first locked?

Smiling at me on the other side of the glass door, one of the firemen tried to open the door with his hand. When he realized that it was indeed locked, the graying rescuer used the "jaws of life" crowbar to break open the ATM lobby's door. Finally, after twenty-five long minutes, I was a free man. And just to show my social media friends that I had been released, I got an onlooker to snap a photo of the rescue personnel and me standing in front of the ATM lobby.

Needless to say, I will be using the ATM drive-thru from now on.

Sincerely,
Kevin Dreely, V
Washington, District of Columbia - USA

"I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com/ ~ Savannah J., Author


In The Black   ~    Preacher Man    ~    Behind Every Dark Cloud , The Second Edition
Available at www.xlibris.com, www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.






Thursday, November 14, 2013

A Ton Of Green Bubbles

(Let's welcome again guest blogger, Betty Ann. Read previous post - "It's Chef Betty Ann.")


I had a birthday a few weeks ago and wanted my boyfriend, Josh, to buy me a really nice gift. I
figured that if I cooked a really delicious meal that Josh would buy me that new coat from Macy's Department Store. Trying my luck at cooking (yet again), I planned a menu which consisted of macaroni and cheese, collard greens, baked chicken and hot rolls. Sir Charles shared his macaroni and cheese recipe. However, I thought that it had too many eggs - six to be exact and too much milk. Sir Charles uses almost two quarts of whole milk in his recipe. With that in mind, I decided to use a half-cup of low-fat milk and two eggs. So, my macaroni and cheese was done. My brother, Robert, a chef at a local restaurant instructed me to buy a chicken that was already cooked and seasoned - which I did (he doesn't trust my cooking). Then, Robert gave me some instructions on how to cook collard greens.

Following his instructions to the letter, I began by cleaning the green vegetables in my stainless steel sink. Wearing long rubber gloves, I spun the greens around in the sink until they were squeaky clean. Then, I placed the greens into a waiting pot so that they could be cooked to perfection. Minutes later, I heated the rolls in the oven. After a quick shower, I fluffed up my hair and donned my best outfit. Sashaying into the kitchen, I screamed at the sight before me. Horrified, I phoned Robert.

"What did you do to them?" asked Robert.
I replied in a panic, "I cleaned and seasoned them just like you told me to! Should I call the fire department?!?"
"Just turn the stove off. You don't need the fire department. What did you clean them with?"
"Almost a half of a bottle of dish detergent! I poured the detergent into the sink with hot water, swished it around, drained the sink and placed them into the pot. I needed to make sure that they were clean! You didn't tell me what to clean the collard greens with, Robert!" I was so frightened by what was taking place on my stove.
"Dish detergent?!? What in the world?!? What's happening?!?"
Screaming, I replied, "I got a ton of dark green bubbles oozing out of my good pot, Robert. All over my floor, stove and counter top! It's all your fault!"
Robert exclaimed, "You were supposed to clean them with running water - not with dish detergent! At least you got the macaroni and cheese and rolls to feed Josh with," as he broke into a hard and deep laughter.
"You make me sick! Good-bye!" I shouted in return.

Anyway, the macaroni and cheese came out dry and hard (not enough milk and eggs), and the rolls were burned to a crispy crunch (I was too busy screaming at the bubbles). Just so you will know, I went out and bought dinner before Josh arrived. I acted like I had prepared the entire meal myself. And I even got my new coat! After dinner, it was a chore keeping Josh out of the kitchen because he wanted to wash the dishes. Of course I did not have a chance to clean up the green bubbles - with all the other stuff I had to do (change clothes because I smelled like collard greens, buying dinner, fussing at Robert, again, etc...).

Thanks for reading and thanks to Sir Charles for another opportunity. I hope you have enjoyed it. Later, I may share my experiences as "Miss Senior Class" in high school. I have to get my thoughts together, first.

With love,
Betty Ann

"I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com/ ~ Savannah J., Author


In The Black   ~    Preacher Man    ~    Behind Every Dark Cloud , The Second Edition
Available at www.xlibris.com, www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Beez In The Trap (Clutching My Pearls)

(Welcome guest blogger, Clarissa DeLavallade. Read: "Lift Up Your Long Dress.")

My husband, Clarence, and I had welcomed our four darling children home from their summer vacation at my sister's, Lorraine, home in Baltimore, Maryland. All, under the age of nine, had songs that they had learned and adventures they had shared while spending two-weeks with their favorite aunt. Weeks later, Clarence, the children and I attended church service. We all had a spirit-filled time of singing along with the choir accompanied by drums, the piano, tambourines, and a large multi-pipe organ. The fiery sermon delivered by the pastor gave us all something to think about. Well, I'm not sure that the kids were paying that much attention to the sermon (they really should have been).

After the pastor had delivered the benediction, all of our children wanted their chance to perform on the drums, piano and behind the microphone on the massive rostrum. C.R. our eldest and only son banged his heart out on the drums. Marley, our second oldest daughter, pecked a few notes on the piano. Cynthia, our third oldest, took her place behind the microphone. Our youngest daughter, Madolyn, was wrapped in the arms of Clarence listening to the cacophony.

Suddenly, Cynthia cleared her throat and began rapping,"Beez In The Trap" by Nicki Minaj!! It was definitely a moment. The remaining church members that were still mingling after the service were shouting, "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" while poor little Cynthia was standing behind the microphone looking all innocent. They must have known what Cynthia was rapping. C.R. released a devilish smile behind the drums as he listened to his sister make her rap debut. Clutching my pearls and with my jaw near my chest, Clarence mentioned that Cynthia had been rapping that sound for a few weeks. Actually, Clarence and I didn't know what Cynthia was rapping until one of the nearby teenagers told us the name of the song and the artist. Finally, I gathered my composure and snatched the children from the rostrum - one by one. Then, I had an important question for Cynthia.
"Where did you learn that song?"
She replied with an innocent expression, "At Aunt Lorraine's house."
Flabbergasted, I immediately called Lorraine and asked, "What are you teaching my kids?" I then gave her a humorous recap of Cynthia's performance.
Lorraine replied with a robust laugh, "That was supposed to be a secret. I told them not to sing that song around you and Clarence. Now, I have to go to the post office and see if I can stop their gifts from being delivered. They got me in trouble! And to top it all off - Cynthia sung it in church with C.R. on drums and Marley on keyboard!"
Clarence studied the four-year-old Madolyn, still in wrapped in his arms, for a few moments. He asked, "What song did you learn at Aunt Lorraine's house?"
Instantly, Madolyn began singing, "Who Let The Dogs Out! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!"

Sincerely,
Clarissa DeLavallade


"I enjoy your blog postings so much, that I have linked it to my blog at http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com/" ~ Savannah J.  Author
                                                  
 In The Black


                        Preacher Man


                             and


                   Behind Every Dark Cloud
                      

Available at www.xlibris.com www.amazon.com www.barnesandnoble.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.


Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Ten Types of Black Preachers (Video)


Over the last several weeks, I introduced you to some guest bloggers. This week, I decided to try something new and bring you an eight (8) minute video clip. It includes a couple of talented comedians that will make you laugh.

Peace and Blessings Always!
Sir Charles
                

   "Some take a smoke break, I take a 'Smile Network' break.  It’s healthier!"
 ~ Patricia Lewis Mills, Author of Caught Up and More Than A Dream
 
 
Behind Every Dark Cloud
       In The Black


     Preacher Man

and

   Behind Every Dark Cloud
                      

Available at www.xlibris.com www.amazon.com www.barnesandnoble.com - Charles Carroll Lee. Soft cover and ebook.